WEBVTT

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(MY GENERATION
PLAYS IN FRENCH)

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(YELLING)

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MAN: Congratulations,
Hudson High class of 2004.

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(CHEERING, SCREAMING)

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There she is.
Fiona!

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Bye.

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Hey.
Hey!

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(GIGGLING)
Hey, you.

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Congratulations, graduate.
Thanks, baby.

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And congratulations
to you, Cooper.

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Aw. Thanks, baby!

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Nice try.

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All right. See you at
Wade's party tonight?

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See you then.

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So, it's just you and me
for the entire summer.

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Next year you graduate,
join me at college.

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Just like we planned.

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Scott, we need to talk.

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Yeah? About what?

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About me dumping you.

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Huh?

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MAN: There he is!

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The graduate and his
beautiful girlfriend. Okay?

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Smile, you two!

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Action!
Dad, Mom, Grandma...

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Uncle Moke... Uh...

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I'm gonna need
a minute here, okay?

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What do you mean,
you're dumping me?

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Scott, I just can't take

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all the lying and cheating
on each other anymore.

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What are you talking about?
Sweetie, I never cheated
on you.

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I know. That's what
makes this so hard.

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You're looking good,
you guys.

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Scotty, it's not you.

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It's me.

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There I go, lying again.
No, it was you.

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You're just so...

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...predictable.
Smile!

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So, that's it.

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Here's your
letter jacket back.

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Goodbye.

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This isn't mine.

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She's a keeper, huh?
Oh, wow.

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Oh, my God.

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(SHOUTING) Fiona!

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(SCOTT CRYING)

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COOPER:
Let's see that again.

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Fiona!

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This is just so brutal.
(LAUGHING)

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And yet I can't look away.
Bert, play it again. Come on.

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Fiona!
Bert, get out of here.

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(CHUCKLING) Okay. See you.

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All right.
Stay black, Bert.

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(LAUGHING) "Fiona!"

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COMPUTER:
Mail, motherfucker!

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Hey, I got one
from Mieke.

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"Happy herzlichen."

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You still writing that guy?
I thought that was just
for German class.

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It was at first,
but we're actually
becoming good friends.

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He's a really cool guy.

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"Dear Mieke, greetings from
your American pen pal."

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Scotty, Girl Scouts
have pen pals.

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Listen to yourself,
all right?

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You met a "cool guy"
on the "internet."

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This is how these
sexual predators work.

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Next thing you know,
he'll want to
"arrange a meeting"

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where he will gas you,
stuff you in the back
of his van,

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and make a wind chime
out of your genitals.

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Come on, let's go to Wade's.
(CHUCKLING)
All right.

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Screw it.
Let's go.

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I'm not gonna let Fiona
ruin my graduation night.

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Auf Wiedersehen, Mieke.

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(TRANSMISSION BEEPING)

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(CROWD ROARING)

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What's up, losers?
What's up, Jenny?

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What's up, dude?

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Sorry to hear about Fiona.
She's a whore.

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That's very sweet of you.
Thanks.

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Enough Fiona talk.

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Look around. There's
gotta be 100 drunk girls.

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We should try to have sex
with every one of 'em.

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Hello? Mixed company?

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What?

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I'm a girl!
No, you're not.

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You're just a cool guy
with long hair.

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So, where's your
evil twin brother?

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Jenny!

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There he is.

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Hey, Jamie.
In fine form, I see.

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(GRIMACING) Why'd you
get me gin and tonic?

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I hate gin.
You do?

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You guys are
the worst twins ever!

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(CROWD CHANTING)

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CROWD: Chug! Chug!

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(MOANING)

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When are you guys
taking off?
Tomorrow morning.

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Hey, Wade!
Great party, bud.

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(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

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Man, I am so excited!

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A whole summer,
backpacking around Europe.

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You should've come with us

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instead of working
for Dr. Dad, Scotty!

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It's gonna be
so awesome!

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Yeah. I planned every
detail of the trip

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to maximize the fun!

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You brought a guidebook
to a party?

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Do you wanna see
my itinerary?

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Do you wanna see my balls?

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You guys decide where
you're gonna go first?

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Paris!
I can't wait.

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Two years ago Nicky Jager's
sister, Debbie,

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met a wealthy French guy,

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and spent a month
sailing the Mediterranean
on his yacht.

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Isn't that the most romantic
thing you've ever heard?

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Stuck on a boat
with a weird French guy?

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That sounds a little gay.

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It's not gay.
I'm a girl.

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Kinda gay.
A little gay.

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All right, I gotta piss
like a pregnant woman.

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(FEEDBACK)

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Hey, listen up, everybody.

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Gotta a little special thing
I'd like to do tonight.

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Going to play
a little song for you

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about the nastiest, freakiest
little sex puppet I know...

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Fiona.

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(CHEERING)

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This one's for you, baby.
Happy anniversary.

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(INSTRUMENTAL ROCK PLAYS)

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* Scotty doesn't know
that Fiona and me

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* Do it in my van
every Sunday

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* She tells him
she's in church
but she doesn't go

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* Still she's on her knees
and Scotty doesn't know

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* Oh, Scotty doesn't know

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* So don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't know

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* Scotty doesn't know

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GIRL 1: I hope we're just
as popular in college

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as we were in high school.

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GIRL 2: We will be.
GIRL 1: I know.

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GIRL 2: Who needs
more Chablis?

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GIRL 1: Candy,
wanna come with?
No, I'll stay here.

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Well, there's your
R-rating right there.

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Whoops!
(GASPS)

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(LAUGHING)
Holy cow!

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Oh, this isn't where
I parked my car!

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* I can't believe
he's so trusting

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* While I'm right
behind you thrusting

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* 'Cause Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know

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Cooper Harris, you're a pig!

00:10:02.703 --> 00:10:05.272
Uh... Candy, you should clean
that off before you go.

00:10:07.274 --> 00:10:08.608
Clean what off?

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You've got a little
something on you.

00:10:12.980 --> 00:10:14.247
Where?

00:10:14.281 --> 00:10:15.683
Right there.

00:10:16.583 --> 00:10:18.786
It's like a smudge,
or something.

00:10:20.487 --> 00:10:21.689
Where?

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It's like dirt, or something.
Just go like this.

00:10:28.361 --> 00:10:29.262
Is it off?

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No. Keep rubbing it.

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* I did it with her
on his birthday

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* Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know

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* Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know

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* Don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't know

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COOPER: Mmm-hmm...
Mmm-hmm...

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No, it's just
not coming off.

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What is it?

00:11:00.327 --> 00:11:02.696
It may be tree sap
or something.
Try pinching it.

00:11:05.899 --> 00:11:08.035
No, it's just not coming off
I'll tell you what.

00:11:08.068 --> 00:11:09.703
Lick your fingers.
Get some saliva going.

00:11:11.304 --> 00:11:12.272
Like this?

00:11:13.006 --> 00:11:13.874
Yeah.

00:11:16.877 --> 00:11:18.411
Again,
not enough saliva.

00:11:30.557 --> 00:11:33.260
Is it off yet?
Fine, I'll do it.

00:11:33.293 --> 00:11:34.227
Come here.

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Oh, my God! Candy!

00:11:36.897 --> 00:11:38.832
(GASPING)
Cooper!

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(NERVOUS LAUGH)
Hey...

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This isn't where
I parked my car.

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(COOPER SCREAMS, GROANS)

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* Scotty doesn't know

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(YELLING)

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(MUSIC CONTINUES)

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Hey.

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CROWD: Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!

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This band rocks!

00:12:06.726 --> 00:12:08.428
Yeah!
(CROWD CHANTS)

00:12:09.529 --> 00:12:10.998
(URINATING)

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(COMPUTER BEEPS)
Mail, motherfucker!

00:12:41.728 --> 00:12:43.263
Hey, Mieke.

00:12:43.296 --> 00:12:44.932
"Dear Scott,

00:12:44.965 --> 00:12:46.633
"I was very sad to hear

00:12:46.666 --> 00:12:49.202
"about your lady woman
Fiona dumping you.

00:12:49.236 --> 00:12:51.238
"Since you no longer
have a girlfriend,

00:12:51.271 --> 00:12:53.140
"maybe I could come
to America

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"and we could get to know
each other better."

00:12:55.342 --> 00:12:56.443
"Perhaps we could..."

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"Zussamen."

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What the fuck is "zussamen"?

00:13:09.622 --> 00:13:10.790
"Arrange a meeting."

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No, no, no! Come on!
Cooper was right.

00:13:14.694 --> 00:13:16.029
This guy wants
to have sex with me.

00:13:17.764 --> 00:13:19.032
"Listen, Mieke...

00:13:20.333 --> 00:13:22.369
"I don't want to arrange
any meetings with you,

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"you sick, German freak.

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"So please keep your hands
off my genitals,

00:13:29.042 --> 00:13:31.111
"and never write to me again,

00:13:31.144 --> 00:13:32.512
"and don't come to America."

00:13:33.546 --> 00:13:34.481
"Goodbye."

00:13:36.649 --> 00:13:37.484
(COMPUTER BEEPING)

00:13:39.752 --> 00:13:41.488
(FALLING)
Ow.

00:13:44.524 --> 00:13:45.292
(DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)

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I'm never drinking again.
Oh, that's nice.

00:13:58.738 --> 00:14:00.007
(TYPING)

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Bert, what are you doing?

00:14:04.477 --> 00:14:05.946
Reading your email.

00:14:05.979 --> 00:14:07.180
Don't do that.

00:14:10.150 --> 00:14:11.451
Why are you wearing
my bathrobe?

00:14:12.519 --> 00:14:14.121
Oh, I'm sorry...

00:14:14.154 --> 00:14:16.523
But somebody pissed
all over mine last night.

00:14:19.326 --> 00:14:21.929
Wow. I can't believe
this German chick

00:14:21.962 --> 00:14:23.863
wants to come here
and hook up with you.

00:14:23.897 --> 00:14:25.332
I don't think so, buddy.
Mieke's a guy.

00:14:26.066 --> 00:14:27.767
No, it says right here,

00:14:27.800 --> 00:14:29.369
"trauriges Madchen."

00:14:29.402 --> 00:14:31.905
"I was a sad girl
to hear about Fiona."

00:14:31.939 --> 00:14:33.573
Fuckin' A, Scott.

00:14:33.606 --> 00:14:36.944
I'm taking "Intro to German,"
and even I know that.

00:14:37.377 --> 00:14:38.711
Come here.

00:14:38.745 --> 00:14:41.014
He sent me a picture,
retardo.

00:14:41.048 --> 00:14:44.484
See? That's a picture of Mieke
and his cute cousin, Jan.

00:14:44.517 --> 00:14:46.553
No, retardo.

00:14:46.586 --> 00:14:48.888
That's Jan, a man's name,

00:14:48.922 --> 00:14:50.323
and that's not "Mike,"

00:14:50.357 --> 00:14:53.460
it's "Mieke," a common
German girl's name,

00:14:53.493 --> 00:14:55.662
similar to our Michelle.

00:14:55.695 --> 00:14:58.065
I hope you wrote her back
and told her to come visit.

00:15:00.934 --> 00:15:02.202
You didn't?

00:15:02.869 --> 00:15:05.105
You thought she was a guy!

00:15:05.138 --> 00:15:08.141
I'm getting
the video camera! Ha!

00:15:08.175 --> 00:15:10.443
BERT: (LAUGHING)
What an asshole!

00:15:11.044 --> 00:15:12.112
SCOTT: No.

00:15:12.579 --> 00:15:13.513
No.

00:15:14.414 --> 00:15:15.648
(SCREAMING) No!

00:15:17.750 --> 00:15:19.386
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

00:15:33.600 --> 00:15:35.068
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

00:15:47.747 --> 00:15:49.682
SCOTT: "Address blocked"?
"Email not delivered."

00:15:49.716 --> 00:15:51.384
No... Come on!

00:15:53.520 --> 00:15:54.721
Hey, Mom made waffles.

00:15:56.056 --> 00:15:58.158
What's going on?
I'm in love with my pen pal.

00:15:59.526 --> 00:16:00.593
I'm in love with Mieke.

00:16:03.796 --> 00:16:06.199
Okay... Okay.

00:16:07.967 --> 00:16:10.637
You know what?
I was actually
expecting this.

00:16:10.670 --> 00:16:12.839
Frankly, I'm flattered

00:16:12.872 --> 00:16:14.707
you picked me
to come out to first.

00:16:14.741 --> 00:16:17.677
And don't worry about
telling your folks, 'cause...

00:16:17.710 --> 00:16:19.112
I think they already know.

00:16:19.146 --> 00:16:20.847
No, you idiot.
Mike is a girl.

00:16:20.880 --> 00:16:22.382
No, no, I get it.
Yeah.

00:16:22.415 --> 00:16:24.417
He's the girl,
and you're the girl,

00:16:24.451 --> 00:16:26.353
and sometimes
you're both the girl.

00:16:27.554 --> 00:16:28.488
Right?

00:16:29.189 --> 00:16:31.658
Right?
That's hot.

00:16:31.691 --> 00:16:34.661
But whatever works for you.
I'm not gonna judge it.

00:16:34.694 --> 00:16:37.197
Will you stop?
Look, come here.
Look at this picture.

00:16:39.266 --> 00:16:40.833
Wow. Who's the hot chick?

00:16:40.867 --> 00:16:43.970
That's "Mike."
I mean, Mieke.

00:16:44.003 --> 00:16:46.773
That's Mieke? That's who
you've been writing to
all this time?

00:16:46.806 --> 00:16:48.741
Until last night,

00:16:48.775 --> 00:16:52.712
when I took your advice
and told her to keep her
"hands off my genitals."

00:16:52.745 --> 00:16:55.548
Given what we know now,
that seems like the exact
opposite of what you want.

00:16:57.016 --> 00:16:58.318
(SIGHING)

00:16:58.985 --> 00:17:00.720
This is a total disaster.

00:17:00.753 --> 00:17:02.489
Oh, come on.
It's not that bad.

00:17:03.856 --> 00:17:05.692
Though she is really hot.

00:17:05.725 --> 00:17:08.895
You're not listening.
I don't even care
what she looks like.

00:17:08.928 --> 00:17:12.232
Mieke and I had
this incredible bond.

00:17:12.265 --> 00:17:13.666
I told her things
I couldn't even tell you.

00:17:15.635 --> 00:17:17.437
Like what?

00:17:17.470 --> 00:17:19.272
Nothing. It's a figure
of speech, Coop.

00:17:19.306 --> 00:17:21.174
No, seriously. What?
Nothing. The point...

00:17:21.208 --> 00:17:23.210
You like me better, right?
Listen...

00:17:23.243 --> 00:17:27.414
This girl is not only
smart and funny,
and stunningly beautiful,

00:17:27.447 --> 00:17:29.916
but until I screwed up,
she wanted to come

00:17:29.949 --> 00:17:32.185
all the way to America,
just to be with me.

00:17:32.219 --> 00:17:34.254
So do something about it.
What can I do?

00:17:35.488 --> 00:17:38.591
She blocked her email account,
her phone number's not listed.

00:17:38.625 --> 00:17:40.260
The only thing I know
is she lives in Berlin.

00:17:40.727 --> 00:17:41.661
So go to Berlin.

00:17:44.030 --> 00:17:46.133
I can't just go
to Berlin, Coop.

00:17:46.166 --> 00:17:47.634
Why not?
Because...

00:17:48.201 --> 00:17:50.570
I just can't, ok?

00:17:50.603 --> 00:17:52.339
I'm supposed to work
for my dad this summer.

00:17:52.372 --> 00:17:54.507
It looks good on
my med school application.

00:17:54.541 --> 00:17:56.509
Oh, Jesus, Scotty!

00:17:56.543 --> 00:17:58.811
Man, Fiona was right.
You're so predictable.

00:18:09.289 --> 00:18:10.857
I'm going to Germany.
No...

00:18:11.724 --> 00:18:12.759
We're going to Germany.

00:18:22.034 --> 00:18:23.503
SCOTT: How are we going
to get to Germany?

00:18:23.536 --> 00:18:25.172
Don't worry.
I've got it covered.

00:18:28.208 --> 00:18:29.942
SCOTT: We're going
to be couriers?

00:18:29.976 --> 00:18:31.711
It's the best way
to get a cheap flight.

00:18:31.744 --> 00:18:33.380
All we have to do
is carry their packages,

00:18:33.413 --> 00:18:34.747
and then drop them off
when we get there.

00:18:35.648 --> 00:18:36.883
My cousin did it
when he went to India.

00:18:36.916 --> 00:18:38.518
Yeah?
Yeah.

00:18:38.551 --> 00:18:42.289
Of course, he ended up using
a public restroom in New Delhi

00:18:42.322 --> 00:18:45.425
and they had to
cut off his leg.
You know...

00:18:45.458 --> 00:18:48.495
But he got there cheap,
is what I'm saying.

00:18:48.528 --> 00:18:51.831
Okay, I don't have anything
to Germany for a week.

00:18:51.864 --> 00:18:56.002
But I can get you both
to London today for $118.

00:18:56.035 --> 00:18:58.638
Anything else?
Europe is like the size
of the Eastwood mall.

00:18:58.671 --> 00:19:00.307
We can walk to Berlin
from there.

00:19:01.441 --> 00:19:03.243
Cooper, England's an island.

00:19:03.276 --> 00:19:05.312
Okay, swim. Whatever.

00:19:06.246 --> 00:19:07.280
We'll take it.

00:19:22.529 --> 00:19:23.996
Hey.
Hmm?

00:19:24.030 --> 00:19:25.998
Thanks for coming with me.

00:19:26.032 --> 00:19:27.934
I know you had that
internship at the law
firm this summer.

00:19:27.967 --> 00:19:29.469
Well, forget about
the law firm.

00:19:30.603 --> 00:19:32.805
And don't thank me.
I should be thanking you.

00:19:34.441 --> 00:19:37.310
This trip is a
once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity for me

00:19:37.344 --> 00:19:39.512
to broaden
my sexual horizons.

00:19:39.546 --> 00:19:42.114
(LAUGHING)
What are you
talking about?

00:19:42.148 --> 00:19:43.916
I'm talking about
crazy European sex.

00:19:43.950 --> 00:19:44.884
(SCOFFS) Ah.

00:19:46.719 --> 00:19:48.655
You know America
was founded by prudes.

00:19:49.789 --> 00:19:52.559
Prudes who left Europe,
because they hated

00:19:52.592 --> 00:19:55.262
all the kinky, steamy
European sex that was
going on.

00:19:56.563 --> 00:19:59.866
And now I,
Cooper Harris,

00:19:59.899 --> 00:20:03.470
will return to the land
of my perverted forefathers

00:20:03.503 --> 00:20:07.674
and claim my birthright,
which is a series

00:20:07.707 --> 00:20:10.577
of erotic and sexually
challenging adventures.

00:20:12.545 --> 00:20:14.514
You've really thought a lot
about this, haven't you?

00:20:15.648 --> 00:20:16.716
It's my passion.

00:20:17.884 --> 00:20:19.519
(UP-TEMPO ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

00:20:32.031 --> 00:20:33.600
SCOTT: Come on, come on!

00:20:36.002 --> 00:20:37.504
The adventure begins.

00:20:38.305 --> 00:20:40.507
Welcome to Jolly
Old England.

00:20:40.540 --> 00:20:43.810
Yeah, breathe that sweet,
sexy, European air.

00:20:43.843 --> 00:20:44.844
(CELL PHONE RINGS)

00:20:45.978 --> 00:20:47.547
Oh.
What is that?

00:20:47.580 --> 00:20:50.350
It's the phone they gave me
at the law firm.

00:20:50.383 --> 00:20:51.851
Yeah, it's
pretty neat, huh?

00:20:51.884 --> 00:20:52.852
Works anywhere.
Yeah?

00:20:53.786 --> 00:20:54.854
Excuse me.

00:20:56.188 --> 00:20:57.390
Cooper here.

00:20:58.124 --> 00:20:59.326
Hello, Mr. Walters.

00:21:00.427 --> 00:21:02.261
Yes, sir, I'm down
in file storage.

00:21:03.262 --> 00:21:04.731
Um, hang on one second.

00:21:10.970 --> 00:21:13.440
No, sir, I can't find
the Gutterman file anywhere.

00:21:13.473 --> 00:21:15.442
Yes, sir,
I'll keep looking.

00:21:15.475 --> 00:21:16.976
I don't rest
until I find it.

00:21:18.945 --> 00:21:20.913
Didn't tell your boss
you were leaving the country?

00:21:20.947 --> 00:21:23.049
They would've
stopped paying me.
It seemed easier.

00:21:24.484 --> 00:21:26.786
So, where to?
I don't know.

00:21:26.819 --> 00:21:28.621
First bus to Berlin doesn't
leave till tomorrow morning.

00:21:28.655 --> 00:21:31.123
What do you wanna do?
Got the Tower of London...

00:21:31.157 --> 00:21:32.359
There's Buckingham Palace.

00:21:34.126 --> 00:21:35.862
Uh...
There's no drinking age.

00:21:35.895 --> 00:21:37.364
There you go!
Come on.

00:21:39.265 --> 00:21:41.401
Hey! "The Fiesty Goat."
(LAUGHING)

00:21:44.003 --> 00:21:45.037
(LOUD CHATTERING)

00:21:45.805 --> 00:21:46.906
All right!

00:21:48.007 --> 00:21:49.008
What do you wanna...

00:22:00.152 --> 00:22:01.521
Soccer hooligans.

00:22:04.223 --> 00:22:05.558
(SIZZLING)

00:22:06.726 --> 00:22:08.795
Hey, this isn't where
I parked my car!

00:22:09.996 --> 00:22:10.997
Oi!

00:22:12.365 --> 00:22:13.666
Who the bloody hell are you?

00:22:15.668 --> 00:22:17.404
This is a private
members bar,

00:22:18.337 --> 00:22:20.106
exclusively
for the supporters

00:22:20.139 --> 00:22:22.074
of the greatest football
team in the world...

00:22:23.142 --> 00:22:24.544
Manchester United.

00:22:25.645 --> 00:22:27.747
Now please, enlighten me.

00:22:28.948 --> 00:22:29.949
Who the fuck are you?

00:22:30.650 --> 00:22:32.218
That is a good question,

00:22:32.251 --> 00:22:33.686
and... Scotty?

00:22:34.286 --> 00:22:35.422
Huh?

00:22:38.891 --> 00:22:41.394
We're the Manchester
United fan club...

00:22:42.729 --> 00:22:43.830
From Ohio.

00:22:45.364 --> 00:22:47.634
If you're Manchester United
supporters...

00:22:47.667 --> 00:22:49.569
Sing the Manchester United
song.

00:22:50.603 --> 00:22:51.638
Excuse me, I'm sorry...

00:22:51.671 --> 00:22:53.573
I'm not much
of a singer...

00:22:53.606 --> 00:22:56.443
Sing!
* My baby takes

00:22:56.476 --> 00:22:58.144
* The morning train

00:22:59.211 --> 00:23:03.550
* He works from 9 to 5
and then

00:23:03.583 --> 00:23:08.187
* He takes another
home again

00:23:08.220 --> 00:23:10.122
* To find me...

00:23:11.724 --> 00:23:15.895
Watching the Manchester
United football team!

00:23:15.928 --> 00:23:17.464
Eh?

00:23:17.497 --> 00:23:20.467
The best freakin' team
in all the land! Whoo-hoo!

00:23:28.174 --> 00:23:29.442
Pretty good.

00:23:30.276 --> 00:23:32.311
Pretty dang good, lads!
Yeah!

00:23:32.344 --> 00:23:33.780
(MEN CHEERING)

00:23:35.181 --> 00:23:36.382
(YELLING)

00:23:36.415 --> 00:23:37.717
(CLINKING)

00:23:40.419 --> 00:23:44.256
* My baby takes
The morning train

00:23:44.290 --> 00:23:48.027
* He works from 9 To 5
and then

00:23:48.060 --> 00:23:51.731
* He takes another
home again

00:23:51.764 --> 00:23:56.035
* To find me
waiting for him

00:23:56.068 --> 00:23:59.739
* He's always on
that morning train *

00:24:02.942 --> 00:24:05.377
MAN: I've unblocked
your email address,

00:24:05.411 --> 00:24:07.814
but this Scott
is not responding.

00:24:10.116 --> 00:24:11.450
He was the one.

00:24:14.554 --> 00:24:16.188
I was going to
give myself to him.

00:24:18.024 --> 00:24:20.059
Perhaps you should give
yourself to someone else...

00:24:24.096 --> 00:24:25.131
Fraulein.

00:24:34.006 --> 00:24:35.141
(GIGGLING)

00:24:46.619 --> 00:24:48.020
I'm never drinking again.

00:24:49.055 --> 00:24:50.857
Coop, wake up.

00:24:50.890 --> 00:24:53.259
Oh, man, that was
a wild night.

00:24:56.162 --> 00:24:57.597
You think?

00:24:57.630 --> 00:24:59.065
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

00:25:05.504 --> 00:25:07.707
Scotty, where the hell
are we going?

00:25:07.740 --> 00:25:09.676
SCOTT: Don't worry.
If anything bad happens,

00:25:09.709 --> 00:25:11.077
my parents will find us.

00:25:11.744 --> 00:25:13.846
Honey, where's Scotty?

00:25:14.814 --> 00:25:16.415
Cooper said they were
going camping.

00:25:16.448 --> 00:25:18.651
Oh, that's nice.

00:25:19.719 --> 00:25:20.887
And where's Bert?

00:25:21.353 --> 00:25:22.589
Fuck if I know.

00:25:23.656 --> 00:25:25.124
(MUSIC CONTINUES)

00:25:27.594 --> 00:25:29.061
(TALKING, BOTTLES CLINKING)

00:25:33.866 --> 00:25:37.737
(SCREAMING) Hey!
How are you, you scalawag!

00:25:37.770 --> 00:25:40.372
Look, given the current
geopolitical climate,

00:25:40.406 --> 00:25:42.875
all European countries should
have a seat at the table.

00:25:42.909 --> 00:25:45.912
Right.
Except those fucking Ities.

00:25:45.945 --> 00:25:47.614
I hate them
Italian bastards.

00:25:48.447 --> 00:25:50.082
You know what I mean?
Excuse me.

00:25:50.116 --> 00:25:51.550
Hello, boyo!

00:25:51.584 --> 00:25:53.419
What the hell happened
last night?

00:25:53.452 --> 00:25:56.055
You got steamed up,
pissed as a fart.

00:25:56.088 --> 00:25:57.323
Too much sauce, son.

00:25:58.024 --> 00:25:59.225
Don't worry.

00:25:59.258 --> 00:26:01.928
We come and got ya so
you wouldn't miss the trip.

00:26:01.961 --> 00:26:03.162
What trip?

00:26:04.664 --> 00:26:05.965
Where are we going?

00:26:05.998 --> 00:26:07.333
What do you mean,
where are we going?

00:26:07.366 --> 00:26:10.369
We're going to see
the Mighty Reds
do the frogs in Paris.

00:26:10.402 --> 00:26:11.570
Aren't we, boys?

00:26:11.604 --> 00:26:13.072
(MEN CHEERING) Yeah!

00:26:14.240 --> 00:26:16.008
Why are you
yelling at me?

00:26:16.042 --> 00:26:18.678
So I tell the swamp donkey
to sock it

00:26:18.711 --> 00:26:21.447
before I give her a trunky
in the tradesman's entrance

00:26:21.480 --> 00:26:23.182
and have her lick
me yardballs!

00:26:25.584 --> 00:26:27.754
Wow.

00:26:27.787 --> 00:26:30.690
You guys are on like
a completely different level
of swearing over here.

00:26:30.723 --> 00:26:33.660
Coop? Cooper,
we're going to Paris.

00:26:33.693 --> 00:26:34.927
I know.
Cecil told me.

00:26:35.928 --> 00:26:38.597
Mieke's in Berlin.
We're not going to Berlin.

00:26:38.631 --> 00:26:40.266
What are we gonna do?
We need a plan.

00:26:40.299 --> 00:26:43.035
See what I'm talking about?
This is predictable
Scotty talking.

00:26:44.136 --> 00:26:46.873
Relax. Paris is practically
a suburb of Berlin.

00:26:46.906 --> 00:26:49.141
It's a nothing commute.

00:26:49.175 --> 00:26:51.043
This is why
France and Germany
have always been allies.

00:26:51.077 --> 00:26:52.078
Allies.

00:26:54.947 --> 00:26:58.350
The twins. The twins
were in Paris, right?

00:26:58.384 --> 00:27:01.253
We could give them a call.
They could help us out.
Let me see your phone.

00:27:01.287 --> 00:27:03.656
All right, but I'm really
only supposed to use this
for business calls.

00:27:04.523 --> 00:27:05.825
Hey, don't...

00:27:08.227 --> 00:27:09.161
(BELCHING)

00:27:09.762 --> 00:27:11.664
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

00:27:20.172 --> 00:27:21.908
(HORN BEEPING, CHEERING)

00:27:24.176 --> 00:27:27.213
You're on the wrong side
of the road,
you snail-eating puffs.

00:27:27.246 --> 00:27:30.783
Fuck off! Go on,
you Gaelic fucking
garlic-breath tossers!

00:27:31.718 --> 00:27:33.352
Piss off!
Get in here and say that,

00:27:33.385 --> 00:27:35.321
you froggy Itie shities!

00:27:39.491 --> 00:27:41.460
(HORN BEEPING)
MAD MAYNARD: Fucking beep!

00:27:41.493 --> 00:27:44.463
We'll beep, you bastard,
all over your fucking nose!

00:27:44.496 --> 00:27:45.965
Get out of the way!
Piss off!

00:27:54.406 --> 00:27:55.908
Hey, lads!

00:27:55.942 --> 00:27:58.310
That wanker's got
a frog football shirt on!

00:27:58.344 --> 00:28:01.147
Let's give this nancy
a fucking good kicking!

00:28:01.180 --> 00:28:02.982
Come on, lads,
he's going off!

00:28:03.716 --> 00:28:05.017
(SCREAMING)

00:28:18.630 --> 00:28:20.299
All right. Twins said
they'd meet us here.

00:28:21.233 --> 00:28:22.468
Look at that!

00:28:22.501 --> 00:28:24.070
There they are.
Come on. Jenny!

00:28:24.536 --> 00:28:26.272
Jamie!
Hey!

00:28:26.305 --> 00:28:27.506
Come here!

00:28:27.539 --> 00:28:28.975
No, no.
No, no, no!

00:28:29.008 --> 00:28:31.878
Scott, bienvenue a Paris.
Thank you.

00:28:31.911 --> 00:28:34.246
Is that a new camera?
It isn't just a camera,

00:28:34.280 --> 00:28:36.515
this is a Leica M7.

00:28:36.548 --> 00:28:38.517
Uber-sensitive
exposure settings,

00:28:38.550 --> 00:28:40.119
legendary cloth
shutter system.

00:28:40.152 --> 00:28:43.255
Let me see that thing.
No can do.

00:28:43.289 --> 00:28:45.758
I spent the last four years
tutoring lacrosse players
to pay for it,

00:28:46.625 --> 00:28:49.061
so nobody touches
my camera but me.

00:28:49.095 --> 00:28:51.663
So it's like your wiener.
No, it's not like...

00:28:51.697 --> 00:28:54.033
Jenny...
Cooper, leave him alone.

00:28:54.066 --> 00:28:57.069
Wow, I can't believe
you came all the way
to Europe for a girl.

00:28:57.103 --> 00:28:59.038
Wait, not just any girl.

00:28:59.071 --> 00:29:01.173
Show her the picture,
Scotty.

00:29:01.207 --> 00:29:02.975
She makes every girl
in our high school
look like a walrus.

00:29:03.876 --> 00:29:05.577
I'm a girl
from your high school.

00:29:05.611 --> 00:29:07.980
No, I mean "girl" girls.

00:29:08.014 --> 00:29:09.882
Guys, we're wasting
the whole day here.
We're in Paris!

00:29:09.916 --> 00:29:11.217
Let's go to the Louvre!

00:29:11.784 --> 00:29:13.152
ALL: To the Louvre!

00:29:48.020 --> 00:29:49.956
So, you guys
wanna stay here,

00:29:49.989 --> 00:29:52.658
or should we check out
the huge line
at the Eiffel Tower?

00:29:52.691 --> 00:29:54.160
Here's a fun fact.

00:29:54.193 --> 00:29:56.562
Voltaire contracted syphilis
just two blocks from here.

00:29:56.595 --> 00:29:57.864
Should we go?

00:29:57.897 --> 00:29:59.031
Can we please
get out of here?

00:29:59.065 --> 00:30:01.000
This guy's really
creeping me out.

00:30:01.033 --> 00:30:02.935
Who, robot man?

00:30:02.969 --> 00:30:04.871
He's just trying to feed
his robot family.

00:30:04.904 --> 00:30:07.006
I really don't like him.
Why?

00:30:07.806 --> 00:30:08.774
Because he's doing this?

00:30:08.807 --> 00:30:09.976
(IMITATES ROBOT)

00:30:11.410 --> 00:30:12.879
Okay, seriously,
don't do that.

00:30:12.912 --> 00:30:14.914
(IN ROBOTIC VOICE)
Cooper. Do not hate me.

00:30:18.250 --> 00:30:20.552
I am familiar with
over 600 dance moves

00:30:20.586 --> 00:30:21.888
and I am programmed
to get...

00:30:22.354 --> 00:30:23.189
(IMITATING ROBOT)

00:30:26.525 --> 00:30:27.493
Freaky.

00:30:30.863 --> 00:30:31.998
(SURPRISED NOISE)

00:30:32.031 --> 00:30:33.565
(BOTH MAKING ROBOTIC NOISE)

00:30:35.567 --> 00:30:36.568
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

00:30:40.372 --> 00:30:42.541
You're just upset because
people like me better.

00:30:42.574 --> 00:30:43.642
It's okay.

00:30:43.675 --> 00:30:44.911
(BUZZING)

00:30:46.845 --> 00:30:48.080
(BOTH BUZZING)

00:31:09.435 --> 00:31:10.336
(GASPING) Oh!

00:31:15.607 --> 00:31:17.076
(TWO TRIBES PLAYS)

00:31:23.849 --> 00:31:25.017
Fight! Fight!

00:31:29.755 --> 00:31:31.090
Break the leg shot!

00:31:39.431 --> 00:31:40.399
(GAGGING)

00:31:41.800 --> 00:31:43.002
Ha! Ha! Ha!

00:31:48.707 --> 00:31:50.176
Don't look in his eyes,
Scotty.
Don't look in his eyes!

00:31:56.615 --> 00:31:58.184
Ohhh!
That was not cool.

00:31:58.584 --> 00:31:59.651
(LAUGHING)

00:32:05.524 --> 00:32:06.525
(GROWLING)

00:32:07.326 --> 00:32:08.527
(CRACKING)

00:32:14.000 --> 00:32:15.267
(WARRIOR SCREAMS)

00:32:23.809 --> 00:32:25.344
(GROANING)
Oh!

00:32:29.948 --> 00:32:31.283
SCOTT: Guys, let's go.
Come on.

00:32:31.317 --> 00:32:32.651
(MOANING)

00:32:32.684 --> 00:32:33.619
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

00:32:35.221 --> 00:32:38.157
Error! Error! Error!

00:32:40.059 --> 00:32:42.228
SCOTT: How cool is this?

00:32:42.261 --> 00:32:44.363
It's a shame we only get
to spend one day together.

00:32:44.396 --> 00:32:47.433
Why don't you come
to Berlin?
Umm, no.

00:32:47.466 --> 00:32:50.502
Jamie, come on.
In a few months, we all
go to different colleges.

00:32:50.536 --> 00:32:53.039
This could be the last
chance the four of us
are together like this.

00:32:53.872 --> 00:32:55.607
Plus, we're in Europe. Huh?

00:32:56.875 --> 00:32:58.444
This should be
the trip of a lifetime.

00:32:58.477 --> 00:33:00.246
There's no way
we should split up.

00:33:01.513 --> 00:33:03.449
All right, this table
is now Europe, okay?

00:33:05.384 --> 00:33:06.318
Excuse me.

00:33:07.086 --> 00:33:09.721
We are right here,
in Paris,

00:33:09.755 --> 00:33:12.258
and I have got
to get to Mieke,

00:33:12.291 --> 00:33:14.860
who is over here,
in Berlin.

00:33:14.893 --> 00:33:16.962
If you come with us,
I'm sure there's a ton

00:33:16.995 --> 00:33:18.530
of great stuff to see
along the way.

00:33:20.099 --> 00:33:22.934
We can go to Denmark.
I love Denmark.

00:33:22.968 --> 00:33:25.104
We gotta hit Amsterdam.
Definitely.

00:33:26.038 --> 00:33:27.573
And the cathedral
at Cameret!

00:33:30.176 --> 00:33:32.044
Yeah...
Maybe. We'll see.

00:33:32.078 --> 00:33:33.745
COOPER: Whatever.
If there's time.

00:33:36.215 --> 00:33:38.050
Come on! I really want you
to be there when I meet Mieke.

00:33:39.318 --> 00:33:40.552
Fine.

00:33:40.586 --> 00:33:41.420
Excellent!
All right!

00:33:42.154 --> 00:33:43.422
A toast!
Yes!

00:33:45.157 --> 00:33:46.792
To Mieke!
To Europe!

00:33:47.659 --> 00:33:48.494
ALL: To Europe!

00:33:49.495 --> 00:33:50.496
Merci.

00:33:52.164 --> 00:33:54.866
Berlin, here we come!
All right.

00:33:54.900 --> 00:33:55.767
Better let me
hold on to those.

00:34:01.006 --> 00:34:02.974
What the hell is that?

00:34:03.008 --> 00:34:04.676
It's a traveler's
money belt.

00:34:04.710 --> 00:34:06.245
Frommer's says as long
as you have one of these,

00:34:06.278 --> 00:34:07.779
no one can rob you
of anything.

00:34:08.680 --> 00:34:10.116
Except your dignity.

00:34:10.149 --> 00:34:11.450
No, you just put that
in your...

00:34:12.551 --> 00:34:13.519
Wait... What?

00:34:14.686 --> 00:34:16.222
Come on, guidebook.
Let's go.

00:34:19.425 --> 00:34:20.559
Check it out.

00:34:21.127 --> 00:34:22.494
European ass.

00:34:25.597 --> 00:34:26.698
What's up?

00:34:30.068 --> 00:34:32.304
Oh, Jesus, Jenny.
I thought you were some...

00:34:33.872 --> 00:34:35.407
...girl. Come on.
Platform 4.

00:34:36.308 --> 00:34:37.376
Thanks.

00:34:39.611 --> 00:34:40.546
Damn!

00:34:44.450 --> 00:34:45.651
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
I believe this is yours.

00:34:50.122 --> 00:34:51.290
Pleased to meet you.

00:34:51.790 --> 00:34:53.459
My name is Christoph.

00:34:53.492 --> 00:34:55.461
SCOTT: Jenny, let's go!
COOPER: Move it!

00:34:57.163 --> 00:34:59.898
Those are my friends.
We're supposed to get
on a train to Berlin...

00:34:59.931 --> 00:35:01.533
Jenny!
I'm coming!

00:35:02.934 --> 00:35:04.703
So, it was really nice
to meet you.

00:35:05.971 --> 00:35:07.139
The pleasure was all mine...

00:35:09.141 --> 00:35:10.376
Jennifer.

00:35:20.286 --> 00:35:21.653
(FRENCH ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

00:35:33.832 --> 00:35:35.234
(MUSIC CONTINUES)

00:35:55.221 --> 00:35:57.956
* Scotty doesn't know
that Fiona and me

00:35:57.989 --> 00:36:00.392
* Do it in my van on Sundays

00:36:00.426 --> 00:36:01.760
* Tells him she's...

00:36:01.793 --> 00:36:02.728
What?

00:36:04.230 --> 00:36:06.164
You gotta admit,
it's a really catchy tune.

00:36:08.834 --> 00:36:12.003
* Tells him she's in church
but she doesn't go

00:36:12.037 --> 00:36:15.774
* Still she's on her knees
and Scotty doesn't know

00:36:15.807 --> 00:36:17.476
* Scotty doesn't know

00:36:17.509 --> 00:36:18.844
* Scotty doesn't...
Buongiorno.

00:36:23.315 --> 00:36:24.383
Buongiorno.

00:36:33.024 --> 00:36:35.661
You know, there are a lot
of other empty compartments.

00:36:36.027 --> 00:36:36.962
Huh?

00:36:37.829 --> 00:36:39.498
Ah! Si...

00:36:39.898 --> 00:36:41.199
Si.

00:37:14.232 --> 00:37:15.434
Pardon me.

00:37:15.867 --> 00:37:16.835
Eh?

00:37:18.304 --> 00:37:19.505
Ohhh...

00:37:20.005 --> 00:37:20.972
Scusi.

00:37:22.641 --> 00:37:23.709
Mi scusi.

00:37:30.081 --> 00:37:31.417
(SCREAMING)

00:37:48.867 --> 00:37:49.868
Hi.

00:37:50.736 --> 00:37:51.770
Buongiorno.

00:38:04.082 --> 00:38:05.851
What the hell are you doing?

00:38:05.884 --> 00:38:07.653
Mi scusi, mi scusi.

00:38:07.686 --> 00:38:09.488
No! No, no, no!

00:38:09.521 --> 00:38:11.323
Mi scusi, mi scusi, mi scusi.

00:38:11.357 --> 00:38:12.758
Uh-oh.
What?

00:38:13.158 --> 00:38:14.393
Big tunnel.

00:38:17.996 --> 00:38:19.931
JAMIE: Who's touching me?
Scotty, is that you?

00:38:21.567 --> 00:38:23.068
Who's touching me?
Scotty?

00:38:28.974 --> 00:38:30.376
(SCREAMING) Oh!

00:38:32.310 --> 00:38:33.512
Scusi.

00:38:56.902 --> 00:38:57.936
Buongiorno.

00:39:06.912 --> 00:39:08.814
SCOTT: Crans Sur Mer.
We change trains here.

00:39:11.483 --> 00:39:13.519
Well, we got a couple
of hours to kill.

00:39:14.319 --> 00:39:15.987
What's there to see
in this town?

00:39:16.021 --> 00:39:19.190
Hello? The
Monument des Poissonnieres.

00:39:19.224 --> 00:39:22.661
It's a monument to all
the local fishermen
who were lost at sea.

00:39:22.694 --> 00:39:25.397
Frommer's says it's supposed
to be... "Quite moving."

00:39:25.431 --> 00:39:28.867
What the hell is wrong
with you, C-3PO?

00:39:28.900 --> 00:39:30.836
We're here to see Europe,
not some crappy statue.

00:39:32.103 --> 00:39:33.672
I'm taking a nap.

00:39:33.705 --> 00:39:35.741
Wake me up when
the train gets here.

00:39:35.774 --> 00:39:38.877
Hmm. Says here this town
has a famous nude beach.

00:39:38.910 --> 00:39:41.680
All right, we can't all
just lie around all day.

00:39:41.713 --> 00:39:44.282
We gotta get out there
and experience the culture
firsthand.

00:39:44.315 --> 00:39:45.551
Let's go exploring!

00:39:49.421 --> 00:39:50.989
So, what's the etiquette
on boners?

00:39:51.957 --> 00:39:53.859
Do I roll over and dig out
a hole for it,

00:39:53.892 --> 00:39:55.894
or is it cool to just
let my flag fly?

00:39:57.028 --> 00:39:58.464
Wait, wait.

00:39:59.631 --> 00:40:02.000
Does "nude beach" mean
we have to get naked, too?

00:40:02.033 --> 00:40:03.802
Of course.

00:40:03.835 --> 00:40:05.537
Do you think you
can go an hour

00:40:05.571 --> 00:40:07.739
without your currency
colostomy bag?

00:40:07.773 --> 00:40:10.976
As long as this thing
has our money
and passports in it,

00:40:11.009 --> 00:40:14.245
it's not coming off,
and my trunks
won't come off, either.

00:40:14.279 --> 00:40:15.947
Come on.

00:40:15.981 --> 00:40:18.049
You came all the way
to Europe.

00:40:18.083 --> 00:40:19.150
Can't wimp out now.

00:40:21.853 --> 00:40:23.254
Okay.

00:40:23.288 --> 00:40:24.923
All right,
on the count of three.

00:40:24.956 --> 00:40:26.124
Here we go.

00:40:26.157 --> 00:40:28.293
Three, two, one...

00:40:28.326 --> 00:40:30.562
COOPER: (LAUGHING)
Look at Jamie's penis!

00:40:30.596 --> 00:40:32.363
Very funny.
Very funny.

00:40:32.397 --> 00:40:33.665
All right.

00:40:35.634 --> 00:40:38.470
Let the crazy European
sex odyssey begin.

00:40:38.504 --> 00:40:39.505
Here we go.
Really?

00:40:39.538 --> 00:40:40.639
Yes.
Mmm-hmm.

00:40:44.242 --> 00:40:47.746
(CHEERING)
COOPER: Hello, ladies!

00:40:53.051 --> 00:40:55.521
Ladies?
Bitches?

00:41:02.894 --> 00:41:05.764
SCOTT: Ew! What a rip!
There's no nude girls here,

00:41:05.797 --> 00:41:07.966
just guys like us
looking for nude girls.

00:41:07.999 --> 00:41:09.067
I don't understand.

00:41:10.468 --> 00:41:13.404
"Crans Sur Mer has one
of the best nude beaches
on the continent.

00:41:13.438 --> 00:41:14.773
"However...

00:41:18.476 --> 00:41:20.478
"During the summer,
the European women

00:41:20.512 --> 00:41:22.748
"are chased away
by gawking male tourists,

00:41:22.781 --> 00:41:25.083
"so Europe's most
nubile exhibitionists

00:41:25.116 --> 00:41:26.184
"head to the deserted beach

00:41:26.217 --> 00:41:28.554
"next to the Monument
des Poissonnieres."

00:41:32.123 --> 00:41:33.792
(GIRLS SQUEAL, GIGGLE)

00:41:36.227 --> 00:41:37.563
(SPEAKING FRENCH)

00:41:45.270 --> 00:41:48.740
There's so many penises.

00:41:48.774 --> 00:41:51.843
Frommer's tried to tell you,
but you just didn't listen.

00:41:51.877 --> 00:41:54.045
This is the biggest
sausage fest on earth.

00:41:54.079 --> 00:41:56.481
It's the international
house of sausage.

00:41:56.514 --> 00:41:57.849
JENNY: Hey!

00:41:59.585 --> 00:42:01.086
Thanks for waiting.

00:42:01.119 --> 00:42:03.889
You're not missing anything.
It's all guys.

00:42:05.657 --> 00:42:06.925
At least the sun's out.

00:42:08.526 --> 00:42:09.995
(TRANCE SYNTHESIZER PLAYS)

00:42:13.231 --> 00:42:15.000
* Dreams come true

00:42:25.744 --> 00:42:28.213
* I made my dreams come true

00:42:29.848 --> 00:42:32.050
* My dreams come true

00:42:34.920 --> 00:42:36.688
Holy crap!

00:42:36.722 --> 00:42:38.556
What? I thought this
was a nude beach.

00:42:39.357 --> 00:42:40.325
No!

00:42:46.464 --> 00:42:48.033
MEN: Huh?
JAMIE: No, no...

00:42:48.066 --> 00:42:49.668
What? What are you doing?
Jenny, you gotta cover up.

00:42:49.701 --> 00:42:50.969
Cover up, cover up, cover up!

00:42:51.002 --> 00:42:52.337
ALL: Girl?

00:42:52.370 --> 00:42:53.338
Girl!

00:42:54.539 --> 00:42:58.043
(CHANTING) Ooh, girl.
Girl... Girl.

00:42:59.044 --> 00:43:01.212
Girl... Girl...

00:43:01.579 --> 00:43:02.748
Run!

00:43:03.314 --> 00:43:04.582
(JENNY SCREAMS)

00:43:09.454 --> 00:43:11.522
(MEN CHANTING)
I'm not gonna make it.

00:43:11.556 --> 00:43:13.358
Go on without me.
All right. See ya.

00:43:17.528 --> 00:43:19.097
Chica! Chica!

00:43:26.638 --> 00:43:28.940
Chica! Chica!

00:43:31.342 --> 00:43:33.011
(SOFT FRENCH MUSIC PLAYS)

00:43:38.917 --> 00:43:41.352
Are you reading Mieke's
old emails again?

00:43:41.386 --> 00:43:42.821
Yeah.

00:43:45.356 --> 00:43:48.626
I have no idea what
I'm going to say to
that girl when I see her.

00:43:50.128 --> 00:43:51.830
You know, she said
I might be the one?

00:43:53.098 --> 00:43:54.232
That's huge.

00:43:55.166 --> 00:43:57.002
I've never been
"the one" before.

00:43:58.737 --> 00:44:02.307
Thought I was "the one"
With Fiona, but turns out
I was, what, 101?

00:44:02.340 --> 00:44:03.675
200.
200!

00:44:05.010 --> 00:44:07.612
Look, you got nothing
to worry about.

00:44:07.645 --> 00:44:10.081
You'll show up and sweep her
off her German feet.

00:44:12.483 --> 00:44:13.685
Thanks.

00:44:21.226 --> 00:44:22.160
Yeah.

00:44:23.661 --> 00:44:25.130
I will, won't I?

00:44:28.734 --> 00:44:30.401
I'm so sad and lonely.

00:44:31.136 --> 00:44:33.638
I just wish someone
would show up

00:44:33.671 --> 00:44:35.774
and sweep me
off my German feet.

00:44:36.307 --> 00:44:38.276
Mieke! I'm here.

00:44:39.110 --> 00:44:40.812
Scotty!

00:44:40.846 --> 00:44:42.781
About that last email.
I'm so sorry...

00:44:42.814 --> 00:44:45.250
The past is the past.
You're here now.

00:44:46.051 --> 00:44:48.153
I've been saving myself
for you.

00:44:49.988 --> 00:44:52.290
Let us make love
for one whole month.

00:44:56.762 --> 00:44:58.296
Touch me, Scotty.

00:45:02.100 --> 00:45:03.101
Okay.

00:45:03.835 --> 00:45:06.104
(ROMANTIC GERMAN
POP SONG PLAYS)

00:45:09.207 --> 00:45:10.876
(SONG CONTINUES)

00:45:22.087 --> 00:45:23.221
Oh, Scott...

00:45:24.689 --> 00:45:26.224
Mi bello.
(SIGHING)

00:45:27.358 --> 00:45:28.426
Mi bello.

00:45:29.594 --> 00:45:31.496
Mi bello.

00:45:33.464 --> 00:45:35.066
Mi bello.

00:45:36.634 --> 00:45:38.069
Mi bello.

00:45:38.103 --> 00:45:39.304
(SLURPING)

00:45:44.475 --> 00:45:45.543
Mi scusi.

00:45:45.576 --> 00:45:47.278
(ALL SCREAMING)

00:45:50.081 --> 00:45:51.149
Mi scusi!

00:45:51.917 --> 00:45:55.453
* Hot stuff baby
this evening

00:45:55.486 --> 00:45:57.856
* Gotta have some hot stuff

00:45:57.889 --> 00:46:00.458
* Gotta have
some love tonight

00:46:00.491 --> 00:46:03.361
CHORUS:
* Hot stuff

00:46:19.410 --> 00:46:21.679
SCOTT: Guys, our train
doesn't leave till morning.

00:46:21.712 --> 00:46:23.514
Where will we sleep tonight?

00:46:23.548 --> 00:46:25.050
COOPER: What do you
mean, sleep?

00:46:25.083 --> 00:46:27.318
We can sleep
on the train tomorrow.

00:46:27.352 --> 00:46:30.355
This is the best thing
that could've happened.
We're in Amsterdam!

00:46:30.388 --> 00:46:32.390
This is the drug and
sex capital of Europe!

00:46:33.691 --> 00:46:34.860
Take a look at this.

00:46:37.896 --> 00:46:39.931
"Club Vandersexxx."

00:46:41.032 --> 00:46:43.734
"The red light district's
hottest sex club."

00:46:43.768 --> 00:46:46.071
We have to check it out.
Who's with me?

00:46:46.104 --> 00:46:47.138
I'll go.

00:46:48.339 --> 00:46:50.775
Fine. Since no one else
is willing to go,

00:46:50.808 --> 00:46:52.010
I'll just go myself.

00:47:07.458 --> 00:47:08.860
* I see

00:47:09.995 --> 00:47:12.530
* You're waiting for me

00:47:13.932 --> 00:47:16.201
This is definitely where
I parked my car.

00:47:19.537 --> 00:47:20.538
WOMAN: Hello there.

00:47:23.608 --> 00:47:25.843
Welcome to Club Vandersexxx...

00:47:25.877 --> 00:47:28.980
Amsterdam's most erotic club,

00:47:29.014 --> 00:47:32.283
where your every fantasy
will be fulfilled.

00:47:32.317 --> 00:47:34.920
Also says I get a free
T-shirt with flyer.

00:47:37.855 --> 00:47:39.024
He's American.

00:47:40.358 --> 00:47:44.429
How sad for you to grow up
in a country
founded by prudes.

00:47:45.430 --> 00:47:48.066
A country overrun
with crime and illiteracy.

00:47:49.300 --> 00:47:52.170
A country where a man
is forced to make sex

00:47:52.203 --> 00:47:54.039
to only one woman
at a time,

00:47:54.072 --> 00:47:56.607
and one must learn
the woman's name beforehand.

00:47:57.642 --> 00:47:59.377
It was horrible.
I know.

00:48:00.578 --> 00:48:03.048
But you can come with me...

00:48:03.081 --> 00:48:05.583
And let the
Vandersexxx begin.

00:48:08.619 --> 00:48:09.487
(GASPING)

00:48:10.455 --> 00:48:14.059
* Marijuana in my soul

00:48:14.092 --> 00:48:16.027
* Your iguana in my hall

00:48:16.061 --> 00:48:17.795
SCOTT: I can't believe
we're doing this.

00:48:17.828 --> 00:48:20.966
JENNY: Don't worry.
Hash brownies are
totally legal here.

00:48:22.667 --> 00:48:25.336
You're gonna enjoy these, man.
These are magical.

00:48:25.370 --> 00:48:27.939
* I like to smoke marijuana

00:48:30.675 --> 00:48:32.043
You wanna do this?
Yeah.

00:48:34.279 --> 00:48:35.380
(BELL RINGING)

00:48:37.915 --> 00:48:39.750
Hi.
Hi.

00:48:39.784 --> 00:48:42.053
I need a new battery
for my camera...

00:48:42.087 --> 00:48:43.989
And while you're at it,
it could use a cleaning.

00:48:44.655 --> 00:48:45.623
Wow.

00:48:46.958 --> 00:48:48.726
Is that a Leica M6?

00:48:48.759 --> 00:48:50.261
Actually, it's an M7.

00:48:50.295 --> 00:48:52.030
It's got the built-in
light meter.

00:48:53.431 --> 00:48:54.532
It's so beautiful.

00:48:55.666 --> 00:48:57.535
So sleek, so powerful.

00:48:58.703 --> 00:49:00.471
How's the new lens system?

00:49:00.505 --> 00:49:04.009
(SCOFFING) Makes the Nikon
look like a disposable.

00:49:05.276 --> 00:49:06.611
You really know your cameras.

00:49:08.513 --> 00:49:09.447
And you're very cute.

00:49:10.015 --> 00:49:12.150
Me? Really?

00:49:13.651 --> 00:49:15.520
I'm going on break.

00:49:15.553 --> 00:49:17.255
I was going to step out back
and have a cigarette.

00:49:17.955 --> 00:49:19.157
Would you like to join me?

00:49:19.991 --> 00:49:21.626
(WAVERING) I don't smoke.

00:49:22.994 --> 00:49:24.195
Neither do I.

00:49:31.769 --> 00:49:33.338
Hold on, hold on.

00:49:33.371 --> 00:49:34.405
What is it?

00:49:35.373 --> 00:49:36.307
This is great!

00:49:37.175 --> 00:49:38.376
You're so innocent.

00:49:40.445 --> 00:49:42.347
Let's change that...
Shall we?

00:49:45.250 --> 00:49:47.185
What would you
like me to do?

00:49:47.218 --> 00:49:49.820
Well...
I don't really know...

00:49:49.854 --> 00:49:51.189
I guess I really
haven't done that much.

00:49:52.657 --> 00:49:56.294
I haven't really found
the time, with all
my extracurriculars,

00:49:56.327 --> 00:49:59.597
and model UN.,
advanced placement classes,
after-school tutor...

00:49:59.630 --> 00:50:01.266
(UNZIPPING)
Ah!

00:50:03.368 --> 00:50:06.404
Gosh, you really
like cameras!

00:50:06.437 --> 00:50:10.075
Sometimes, we find our
clients are so overwhelmed
with the pleasure,

00:50:10.108 --> 00:50:13.044
that they sometimes
scream out, "no,"

00:50:13.078 --> 00:50:15.113
when really
they mean "yes."

00:50:16.481 --> 00:50:18.616
And this is why
we have the safe word.

00:50:20.017 --> 00:50:21.352
The safe word?

00:50:22.587 --> 00:50:25.223
If at any time the ecstasy
gets too great,

00:50:25.256 --> 00:50:27.058
you just use the safe word.

00:50:28.693 --> 00:50:31.562
Until we hear the safe word,
we will not stop.

00:50:32.830 --> 00:50:34.365
Yeah, right. Stop.
All right.

00:50:35.200 --> 00:50:38.236
(LAUGHING) We're going
to start slowly,

00:50:38.269 --> 00:50:42.407
teasing you with a little
light erotic foreplay.

00:50:42.440 --> 00:50:44.175
(GIGGLING) Whee!

00:50:44.209 --> 00:50:47.312
Oh, yes, ladies!

00:50:47.978 --> 00:50:50.047
(BARKING) On, on,
Vandersexxx!

00:50:51.316 --> 00:50:53.718
(ELECTRIC CRACKLE, SIZZLE)

00:50:57.488 --> 00:50:59.190
Hans! Gruber!

00:51:00.057 --> 00:51:01.759
(POUNDING ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

00:51:03.461 --> 00:51:04.395
Hi.

00:51:15.806 --> 00:51:18.876
So, are the girls
coming back?

00:51:18.909 --> 00:51:21.546
Administer
the testicle clamps!

00:51:21.579 --> 00:51:23.714
Huh? What? Hey!
(FABRIC RIPPING)

00:51:23.748 --> 00:51:25.216
(MUSIC CONTINUES)

00:51:30.555 --> 00:51:31.556
Safe word!

00:51:39.697 --> 00:51:41.732
What is that?
That's not a word, it's a...

00:51:42.433 --> 00:51:43.601
(STUTTERING)

00:51:45.303 --> 00:51:46.837
(ZAPPING)
(AGONIZING SCREAMS)

00:51:47.738 --> 00:51:48.873
Fluggen!

00:51:49.774 --> 00:51:50.841
(MOANING)

00:51:55.546 --> 00:51:57.248
Okay, Mister,
don't move.
Excuse me?

00:51:57.282 --> 00:51:59.184
(BRANDISHING KNIFE)
Shut the hell up!

00:51:59.217 --> 00:52:01.352
Oh, brother!
Please don't hurt me.

00:52:01.386 --> 00:52:04.489
Oh, no... You're fine.
That's good. You're fine.

00:52:04.522 --> 00:52:06.324
Give me cash?
You got cash?
Give me cash?

00:52:06.357 --> 00:52:08.326
Take it all,
you dirty girl.

00:52:08.959 --> 00:52:10.060
What?

00:52:10.094 --> 00:52:11.629
Your wallet!
Focus!

00:52:13.598 --> 00:52:15.466
Give it to me.
(LOUD GROANING) Oh!

00:52:15.933 --> 00:52:17.468
Oh, I love you!

00:52:17.902 --> 00:52:19.337
I love you!

00:52:20.171 --> 00:52:22.540
I love you!

00:52:22.573 --> 00:52:24.742
I love you!

00:52:26.977 --> 00:52:28.913
(BOTH GIGGLING)

00:52:30.681 --> 00:52:31.882
(HIGH-PITCHED GIGGLE)

00:52:33.618 --> 00:52:34.752
(GIGGLING)

00:52:37.087 --> 00:52:38.589
What's so funny?

00:52:39.324 --> 00:52:40.825
(DISTORTED SOUND)

00:52:47.498 --> 00:52:50.201
I'm really hungry.
I think I've got
the munchies.

00:52:50.868 --> 00:52:51.802
Excuse me.
Huh?

00:52:54.272 --> 00:52:57.242
It's hot in here. You hot?
'Cause I'm really hot.

00:52:57.275 --> 00:52:59.677
So good.
Okay, I can't breathe! God!

00:52:59.710 --> 00:53:01.246
I'm freaking out!

00:53:01.279 --> 00:53:03.281
I think we got a bad batch
'cause I'm freaking out.

00:53:03.314 --> 00:53:04.782
I can't...
I can't do this.

00:53:06.050 --> 00:53:08.719
I saw a gay porno once.
I didn't know
until halfway in.

00:53:10.255 --> 00:53:13.658
The girls never came.
The girls never came!

00:53:13.691 --> 00:53:15.293
(HYPERVENTILATING)
I am freaking out!

00:53:17.027 --> 00:53:18.496
Everything all right
with you?

00:53:18.529 --> 00:53:20.365
No, nothing's all right.

00:53:20.398 --> 00:53:22.166
You sold us a bad batch
of hash brownies.

00:53:22.199 --> 00:53:24.435
You're a bad Rastafarian.

00:53:24.469 --> 00:53:26.671
These are not hash brownies.

00:53:27.605 --> 00:53:28.573
Hmm?

00:53:30.475 --> 00:53:33.444
What was that?
We do not sell
hash brownies here.

00:53:33.478 --> 00:53:35.246
We're a simple Dutch bakery!

00:53:39.717 --> 00:53:41.286
Now put your clothes
back on, white boy!

00:53:43.254 --> 00:53:44.422
(SCREAMING)
Ow! Ow! Ow!

00:53:46.291 --> 00:53:47.692
"Fluggengegeholen!"

00:53:48.626 --> 00:53:49.927
(CYMBALS RING)

00:53:49.960 --> 00:53:51.929
Did you say fluggegecheimen?

00:53:51.962 --> 00:53:53.564
Yes! Yes!

00:53:53.598 --> 00:53:55.766
For the love of God,
fluggengecheimen!

00:53:56.701 --> 00:53:57.802
Are you sure?

00:53:57.835 --> 00:53:58.903
Yes, please.

00:53:59.937 --> 00:54:00.905
As you wish.

00:54:02.707 --> 00:54:04.509
(BARKING) Bring on
the fluggegecheimen!

00:54:07.778 --> 00:54:08.713
Wait... What?

00:54:10.014 --> 00:54:11.015
Uh-oh.

00:54:12.850 --> 00:54:15.252
COOPER: No, no, no!
I didn't say fluggegecheimen,

00:54:15.286 --> 00:54:17.054
I said, uh...

00:54:17.087 --> 00:54:18.856
(FRANTICALLY MISPRONOUNCING)

00:54:23.060 --> 00:54:24.462
(RAPID BUZZING)

00:54:36.874 --> 00:54:38.008
What'd you do last night?

00:54:40.578 --> 00:54:41.846
I don't want to
talk about it.

00:54:43.013 --> 00:54:44.181
What did you guys do?

00:54:44.214 --> 00:54:45.650
BOTH: Don't want
to talk about it.

00:54:48.819 --> 00:54:49.787
What is that?

00:54:50.855 --> 00:54:51.856
Free T-shirt.

00:54:57.161 --> 00:54:58.429
Hey, guys.

00:55:00.164 --> 00:55:01.298
What happened to you?

00:55:01.799 --> 00:55:02.733
I got robbed.

00:55:03.701 --> 00:55:04.702
It was awesome!

00:55:07.104 --> 00:55:09.306
JENNY: All our money,
our passports, our tickets...

00:55:09.340 --> 00:55:10.808
Everything, gone!

00:55:13.110 --> 00:55:14.945
How the hell
could this happen?

00:55:14.979 --> 00:55:17.515
We all go to Amsterdam, and
Jamie's the one who hooks up!

00:55:19.116 --> 00:55:20.451
For shame!

00:55:23.888 --> 00:55:24.989
(CELL PHONE RINGS)

00:55:29.860 --> 00:55:30.961
Oh, that's me.

00:55:35.299 --> 00:55:36.567
Coop here. Sorry.

00:55:37.234 --> 00:55:39.069
Hello, Mr. Walters.

00:55:41.672 --> 00:55:43.674
You never got
the Gutterman file?

00:55:43.708 --> 00:55:45.910
I told Humphrey
to give it to you.

00:55:45.943 --> 00:55:48.679
That's hogwash. I handed it
to him myself yesterday.

00:55:50.415 --> 00:55:52.950
Yes, sir, I will tell
Humphrey to report to
your office immediately.

00:55:52.983 --> 00:55:53.918
Bye.

00:55:56.487 --> 00:55:57.955
This job's killing me.

00:55:57.988 --> 00:55:59.356
(HONKING)

00:56:07.632 --> 00:56:09.400
(SPEAKS RAPID GERMAN)

00:56:10.401 --> 00:56:12.437
Uh...
Let me handle this.

00:56:13.070 --> 00:56:14.104
I speak bad German.

00:56:20.945 --> 00:56:22.880
(SPEAKING POOR GERMAN)

00:56:30.054 --> 00:56:31.155
(SPEAKING FLUENT GERMAN)

00:56:39.363 --> 00:56:41.398
What did he say?
He said he's driving.

00:56:41.432 --> 00:56:42.667
Oh.
Something.

00:56:42.700 --> 00:56:43.634
Ja.

00:56:45.603 --> 00:56:46.771
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

00:56:48.005 --> 00:56:48.939
Berlin?

00:56:58.716 --> 00:57:00.585
Berlin?
Berlin!

00:57:00.618 --> 00:57:01.919
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

00:57:06.657 --> 00:57:08.258
He's going to Berlin!
Awesome!

00:57:08.292 --> 00:57:09.426
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

00:57:10.928 --> 00:57:12.963
All right! Berlin!
Come on, let's go!

00:57:16.400 --> 00:57:17.602
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

00:57:22.239 --> 00:57:23.774
Next stop, Berlin!

00:57:24.374 --> 00:57:25.710
(TIRES SCREECH)

00:57:27.745 --> 00:57:29.514
(GERMAN ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

00:57:34.952 --> 00:57:36.186
(MUSIC CONTINUES)

00:57:46.864 --> 00:57:49.466
Beautiful!
We made it to Berlin.

00:57:49.967 --> 00:57:51.736
Ja. Berlin!

00:57:53.037 --> 00:57:54.071
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

00:57:57.007 --> 00:57:58.208
Bratislava?
Yeah.

00:57:59.143 --> 00:58:00.477
Bratislava!

00:58:01.078 --> 00:58:02.547
(TIRES SCREECHING)

00:58:06.684 --> 00:58:08.553
SCOTT: Dear sweet
mother of God.

00:58:09.453 --> 00:58:11.355
We're in Eastern Europe.

00:58:11.388 --> 00:58:12.823
(CHORUS SINGS)

00:58:14.258 --> 00:58:15.225
JENNY: Ew!

00:58:29.206 --> 00:58:30.541
(SNARLING)

00:58:38.883 --> 00:58:39.850
Excuse me.

00:58:40.818 --> 00:58:42.219
Do you speak any English?

00:58:43.688 --> 00:58:45.022
You are Americans?

00:58:45.790 --> 00:58:46.757
Yeah.

00:58:47.692 --> 00:58:48.859
I love America.

00:58:50.360 --> 00:58:53.530
We just get Miami Vice
on television.

00:58:54.665 --> 00:58:56.601
Miami Vice is number one
new show.

00:58:57.367 --> 00:58:58.736
Yeah.

00:58:58.769 --> 00:59:02.139
Listen, we're trying
to get to Berlin, Germany.

00:59:02.172 --> 00:59:04.541
Do you know if there's
a train coming anytime soon?

00:59:04.575 --> 00:59:07.144
Oh, yes, very soon.
They are building it now.

00:59:11.548 --> 00:59:12.950
Stop! Hammer time!

00:59:14.752 --> 00:59:16.721
Enjoy Bratislava!

00:59:16.754 --> 00:59:19.356
It's good
you came in summer.

00:59:19.389 --> 00:59:21.792
In winter, it can get
very depressing.

00:59:24.461 --> 00:59:26.563
JENNY: We gotta
figure something out.
How much money do we have?

00:59:26.597 --> 00:59:27.865
(COINS JINGLING)

00:59:32.336 --> 00:59:33.303
Frommer's travel tip.

00:59:35.305 --> 00:59:36.306
I don't have anything.

00:59:37.241 --> 00:59:38.776
What? I got noth...
Fine.

00:59:46.083 --> 00:59:47.652
$1.83 American.

00:59:48.886 --> 00:59:49.920
What are we gonna
get with that?

00:59:56.360 --> 00:59:58.996
Gotta love
that exchange rate!

01:00:00.965 --> 01:00:01.932
Ta.

01:00:06.637 --> 01:00:08.773
(GIGGLING) Hapi djus.

01:00:09.807 --> 01:00:10.808
(ANNOUNCER SPEAKING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

01:00:11.776 --> 01:00:13.644
Hmm. Now with less pulp.

01:00:15.646 --> 01:00:17.682
WAITER: Dinner is served.

01:00:17.715 --> 01:00:19.283
Would the masters care
for anything else?

01:00:19.884 --> 01:00:21.786
Think we're good.
Thanks.

01:00:23.153 --> 01:00:25.255
Ah! A nickel!

01:00:27.692 --> 01:00:28.959
You see this?

01:00:30.194 --> 01:00:31.662
I quit!

01:00:33.230 --> 01:00:35.833
I open my own hotel!

01:00:44.108 --> 01:00:45.943
SCOTT: So, we got
27 cents left.

01:00:46.777 --> 01:00:48.545
What is there to do
in this town?

01:00:48.578 --> 01:00:50.014
(THROBBING TECHNO MUSIC)

01:00:54.985 --> 01:00:57.221
* My Scotty
* Scotty, Scotty

01:00:58.522 --> 01:01:02.259
* Scotty doesn't know

01:01:02.292 --> 01:01:03.928
* Don't tell Scotty

01:01:05.996 --> 01:01:08.432
* Scotty doesn't know
(LAUGHING)

01:01:08.465 --> 01:01:09.934
This song
sounds familiar.

01:01:12.937 --> 01:01:14.004
Jenny, lemme check
your coat.

01:01:20.811 --> 01:01:23.080
Hey!
Jenny!

01:01:23.113 --> 01:01:25.883
That outfit is horrible!
Just take it off... Now!

01:01:26.283 --> 01:01:27.284
(GIGGLING)

01:01:28.786 --> 01:01:30.855
No, but I will let you
buy me a drink.

01:01:31.488 --> 01:01:32.723
Excuse me!

01:01:35.059 --> 01:01:36.994
You are the woman
from the Paris train station,
aren't you?

01:01:37.027 --> 01:01:38.796
My name is...
Christoph.

01:01:38.829 --> 01:01:39.964
(LAUGHING) Yes.

01:01:40.564 --> 01:01:41.799
What are you doing here?

01:01:42.332 --> 01:01:44.068
This is my place.

01:01:44.101 --> 01:01:46.370
My family owns
many nightclubs
throughout Europe.

01:01:46.403 --> 01:01:48.705
I'd be honored if you'd
join me in my V.I.P. room
for a drink.

01:01:49.173 --> 01:01:50.407
Mmm. Okay.

01:01:53.243 --> 01:01:54.244
Bye, Cooper.

01:02:01.819 --> 01:02:03.754
What's that?
It's absinthe.

01:02:04.688 --> 01:02:06.290
Frommer's says it's
illegal in the States

01:02:06.323 --> 01:02:08.893
because it makes you
hallucinate and go crazy.

01:02:08.926 --> 01:02:10.795
They call it
"the green fairy."

01:02:18.202 --> 01:02:21.038
My family has a yacht
in the Aegean.

01:02:21.071 --> 01:02:23.841
Come with me, Jennifer.
We will sail away together.

01:02:24.374 --> 01:02:25.442
Oh, my God!

01:02:26.110 --> 01:02:27.577
We will swim with dolphins,

01:02:27.611 --> 01:02:29.146
and sip champagne
by moonlight.

01:02:29.746 --> 01:02:31.081
Oh, my God!

01:02:32.382 --> 01:02:34.751
We will spend the day
sunbathing, drinking wine.

01:02:35.685 --> 01:02:37.287
My wife makes
the best sangria.

01:02:37.788 --> 01:02:39.223
Wait... What?

01:02:39.556 --> 01:02:40.490
Sangria.

01:02:41.525 --> 01:02:43.260
You take a good
Spanish Rioja,

01:02:43.293 --> 01:02:45.295
and you put in slices
of orange, and...

01:02:45.329 --> 01:02:47.531
No, wait.
You said you were married?

01:02:50.267 --> 01:02:53.037
You just go around Europe
sleeping with every woman
you meet?

01:02:53.070 --> 01:02:54.972
No, please, Jennifer.
It is not like that.

01:02:55.705 --> 01:02:57.041
I also sleep with men.

01:03:01.846 --> 01:03:03.147
I gotta say,
I'm not feeling anything.

01:03:04.314 --> 01:03:05.816
Me neither.

01:03:05.850 --> 01:03:07.151
Sober as a judge.

01:03:08.886 --> 01:03:10.254
How 'bout you?

01:03:10.287 --> 01:03:12.089
I'm not feeling
a goddamn thing.

01:03:12.756 --> 01:03:14.758
This absinthe is bullshit!

01:03:14.791 --> 01:03:16.126
I hear you, my brother.

01:03:16.660 --> 01:03:17.895
I'm outta here.

01:03:18.695 --> 01:03:20.730
Excuse me.

01:03:20.764 --> 01:03:23.200
Hey, so where's Christoph?
Shut up.

01:03:25.735 --> 01:03:27.337
(CHEERING, SCREAMING)

01:03:45.222 --> 01:03:47.191
SCOTT: Europe!
COOPER: Europe!

01:03:47.224 --> 01:03:49.026
ALL: Whoo!
JENNY: Europe!

01:04:05.009 --> 01:04:06.310
So, tomorrow, Berlin.

01:04:06.877 --> 01:04:08.145
Tomorrow, Mieke!

01:04:15.452 --> 01:04:16.320
Check it out.

01:04:17.454 --> 01:04:19.289
COOPER: No way!

01:04:19.323 --> 01:04:21.625
Jamie's hooking up
with another girl?
Goddamn it!

01:04:23.527 --> 01:04:25.695
It's just so unfair.
I've been all over the place

01:04:25.729 --> 01:04:28.198
looking for crazy
European sex, and he's
the one who ends up...

01:04:28.933 --> 01:04:30.467
(MOANING)
BOTH: Oh, my God!

01:04:35.305 --> 01:04:37.074
That is some pretty
fucked-up shit.

01:04:41.478 --> 01:04:44.214
Can you say, "What the fuck
did I do last night?"

01:04:55.459 --> 01:04:56.593
(SCREAMING)

01:04:58.495 --> 01:05:01.431
They really are
the worst twins ever.

01:05:02.432 --> 01:05:03.300
(SCREAMING)

01:05:29.326 --> 01:05:31.261
That was a pretty
wild night, eh?

01:05:32.929 --> 01:05:34.931
Yep. Pretty wild,
pretty wild.

01:05:38.035 --> 01:05:39.336
I know I was out of control.

01:05:40.137 --> 01:05:41.571
How about you guys?
Did you...

01:05:41.605 --> 01:05:43.673
All right, look.
We were really drunk,

01:05:44.808 --> 01:05:46.643
things got a little crazy,
and Jamie...

01:05:47.711 --> 01:05:48.645
...kissed me.

01:05:50.147 --> 01:05:52.249
Let's just forget
about it, okay?

01:05:52.282 --> 01:05:53.917
Consider it forgotten.
Never happened.

01:05:53.950 --> 01:05:55.185
Never happened.

01:05:56.086 --> 01:05:58.555
Fine. Let's just
forget about it.

01:05:59.289 --> 01:06:00.624
It's not like
you two had sex.

01:06:02.626 --> 01:06:04.028
Have you had sex?

01:06:04.061 --> 01:06:06.063
Shut up, Cooper!
Jamie, relax.

01:06:06.096 --> 01:06:07.831
Cooper. Please?

01:06:07.864 --> 01:06:09.566
Okay, fine.
I'll give it a rest.

01:06:12.536 --> 01:06:13.603
Jamie, could I borrow
your Frommer's?

01:06:20.044 --> 01:06:21.978
Oh, here it is.
Bratislava.

01:06:22.012 --> 01:06:23.713
Hmm. Capital of Slovakia.

01:06:24.681 --> 01:06:26.083
Oh, here's a fun fact.

01:06:27.651 --> 01:06:29.719
You made out with
your sister, man!

01:06:29.753 --> 01:06:31.788
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Like two dogs in heat.

01:06:31.821 --> 01:06:33.557
(SCREAMING)

01:06:33.590 --> 01:06:34.724
(CAR HORN PLAYING DIXIE)

01:06:36.760 --> 01:06:38.762
My friends,
where is the beef?

01:06:38.795 --> 01:06:40.097
(LAUGHING)

01:06:41.098 --> 01:06:43.567
You go to Berlin?
I'm your ride.

01:06:44.368 --> 01:06:45.402
Hop in.

01:06:48.372 --> 01:06:50.440
(99 RED BALLOONS
PLAYS IN GERMAN)

01:07:13.397 --> 01:07:14.631
SCOTT: This is Mieke's
apartment building.

01:07:15.665 --> 01:07:17.134
Wish me all sorts
of luck, guys.

01:07:18.935 --> 01:07:20.070
You'll do great,
Scotty.

01:07:22.972 --> 01:07:24.174
Thanks.

01:07:44.494 --> 01:07:46.330
I came all this way.
I'm not gonna miss this.

01:07:49.833 --> 01:07:50.800
(DOORBELL RINGING)

01:07:54.070 --> 01:07:56.406
Dude, Mieke's hideous! Run!
Stop.

01:07:58.041 --> 01:07:59.443
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

01:08:08.918 --> 01:08:10.687
Hi, my name
is Scott Thomas.

01:08:10.720 --> 01:08:12.556
I'm from America,
and I'm here to see Mieke.

01:08:13.323 --> 01:08:14.691
I'm sorry,
but Mieke's not here.

01:08:15.759 --> 01:08:16.926
Do you know where she is?

01:08:16.960 --> 01:08:18.428
She's gone for the summer.

01:08:22.999 --> 01:08:24.201
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

01:08:33.943 --> 01:08:36.780
My daughter had intended to
spend the summer in America,

01:08:36.813 --> 01:08:39.516
looking at colleges
and visiting some friends.

01:08:39.549 --> 01:08:42.186
But several days ago,
she suddenly
changed her mind.

01:08:42.219 --> 01:08:43.553
She would not tell me why.

01:08:44.654 --> 01:08:45.789
I think I know why.

01:08:48.692 --> 01:08:50.160
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

01:08:50.994 --> 01:08:52.362
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

01:08:52.396 --> 01:08:54.764
This is Heinrich.
He's Mieke's stepbrother.

01:08:56.132 --> 01:08:58.935
As I was saying, she packed
up her bag and left.

01:08:58.968 --> 01:09:00.304
It was all very sudden.

01:09:00.337 --> 01:09:02.672
SCOTT: Do you know
where she is now?

01:09:02.706 --> 01:09:05.209
FATHER: As you know,
she's always been very
interested in the classics,

01:09:05.242 --> 01:09:07.477
Greek and Roman literature
and history,

01:09:07.511 --> 01:09:09.279
and she's always
enjoyed the ocean,

01:09:09.313 --> 01:09:12.249
so she found a program that
combines all her interests.

01:09:12.282 --> 01:09:13.650
Do you know where she is?

01:09:15.219 --> 01:09:18.455
She enrolled in
a summer at sea program,
based in Rome.

01:09:19.856 --> 01:09:20.790
Rome.

01:09:22.192 --> 01:09:24.361
Okay, then I guess
we'll go to Rome, then.

01:09:24.394 --> 01:09:27.864
Unfortunately, Mieke's only
in Rome for orientation.

01:09:27.897 --> 01:09:30.200
Tomorrow her group boards
a boat and she'll be
gone for the summer.

01:09:30.234 --> 01:09:33.270
She'll be quite unreachable.

01:09:34.604 --> 01:09:35.505
Unreachable.

01:09:43.680 --> 01:09:45.782
Mieke's tour group goes
to the Vatican tomorrow,

01:09:45.815 --> 01:09:47.684
then she gets on that boat
and she's gone.

01:09:48.218 --> 01:09:49.419
So, it's over?

01:09:53.623 --> 01:09:56.493
Thanks for sticking with me
through this, guys, but...

01:09:56.526 --> 01:09:58.362
You should probably call
your parents,

01:09:58.395 --> 01:10:00.196
have them wire you
some money and go home.

01:10:01.465 --> 01:10:02.666
What are you gonna do?

01:10:04.434 --> 01:10:09.539
I'm going to Rome.
I'll walk, I'll hitchhike,

01:10:09.573 --> 01:10:11.741
I'll swim if I have to,
but I'll get to
Mieke somehow.

01:10:17.013 --> 01:10:17.947
Maybe that'll help.

01:10:18.548 --> 01:10:19.649
Where'd you get
all that?

01:10:20.384 --> 01:10:22.419
Wait. Where's your Leica?

01:10:23.687 --> 01:10:24.788
Sold it.

01:10:24.821 --> 01:10:25.755
What?

01:10:27.924 --> 01:10:29.326
You sold your Leica?

01:10:29.359 --> 01:10:30.560
But you loved that thing.

01:10:30.594 --> 01:10:32.128
What about your
photo tour of Europe?

01:10:32.161 --> 01:10:33.530
What about the chateaus?

01:10:33.563 --> 01:10:35.365
Chateaus have been there
for 300 years.

01:10:36.232 --> 01:10:37.567
Mieke's gone in 12 hours.

01:10:41.605 --> 01:10:43.673
Come on, let's go!
Frommer's says to check in

01:10:43.707 --> 01:10:45.241
three hours before
any international flight.

01:10:45.875 --> 01:10:46.843
Come here, guidebook!

01:10:47.777 --> 01:10:50.647
Whoo! We're going to Rome.
We're going to Rome!

01:11:01.224 --> 01:11:02.526
* Be my girl

01:11:03.192 --> 01:11:04.594
* Be my girl

01:11:05.929 --> 01:11:07.464
* Are you gonna be my

01:11:08.164 --> 01:11:10.300
* Girl, yeah

01:11:10.334 --> 01:11:12.302
* Be my girl

01:11:12.336 --> 01:11:13.737
* Be my girl

01:11:15.071 --> 01:11:18.842
* Are you gonna be my girl

01:11:23.079 --> 01:11:24.814
All right,
summer at sea group.

01:11:24.848 --> 01:11:26.650
Our tour begins
in the Vatican museum.

01:11:27.183 --> 01:11:28.385
This way, please.

01:11:36.693 --> 01:11:37.861
There it is.

01:11:41.030 --> 01:11:42.031
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

01:11:44.468 --> 01:11:47.371
This entrance is for
private tour groups only.

01:11:49.806 --> 01:11:52.609
Oh... But we are
a private tour group.

01:11:52.642 --> 01:11:54.411
We've come all the way
from America.

01:11:57.681 --> 01:11:59.783
That guy in the orange jacket
is mentally retarded.

01:12:04.888 --> 01:12:08.925
Si, I can tell.
How very, very sad.

01:12:09.993 --> 01:12:11.327
Yes, it is.

01:12:12.328 --> 01:12:14.631
But if you are a tour,
where is your guide?

01:12:14.664 --> 01:12:16.633
We've got a fantastic
tour guide.

01:12:16.666 --> 01:12:18.535
Right here.
What? No...

01:12:22.972 --> 01:12:25.642
The Vatican has been used
as a papal residence

01:12:25.675 --> 01:12:27.944
ever since the time of
Emperor Constantine
the Great

01:12:27.977 --> 01:12:28.978
of the 5th century A.D.!

01:12:31.481 --> 01:12:33.483
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
Oh.

01:12:33.517 --> 01:12:36.019
Okay... Um... If you'll
all follow me, please.

01:12:41.224 --> 01:12:43.493
(SPEAKS SLOWLY)
Have a very special day

01:12:43.527 --> 01:12:47.096
for a very special
little man.

01:12:48.031 --> 01:12:48.965
Okay.

01:12:51.868 --> 01:12:54.237
I can't believe
that guy let us in.

01:12:54.270 --> 01:12:55.805
What a retard!

01:12:55.839 --> 01:12:58.007
Let's find Mieke.
Scusate.

01:12:59.242 --> 01:13:02.579
One of our English-speaking
tour guides
has called in sick.

01:13:02.612 --> 01:13:03.980
Could you please take
these peoples also?

01:13:07.884 --> 01:13:09.352
How big is Vatican City?

01:13:09.385 --> 01:13:10.820
.5 square kilometers.

01:13:11.488 --> 01:13:12.989
Who built the colonnades?

01:13:13.022 --> 01:13:15.925
Gianlorenzo Bernini, 1656.

01:13:15.959 --> 01:13:17.026
Where are the bathrooms?

01:13:17.060 --> 01:13:18.962
Floors 2, 6 and 7.

01:13:18.995 --> 01:13:22.265
Next I'll take you to where
the College of Cardinals
elects a new pope.

01:13:22.298 --> 01:13:25.735
When this happens, white smoke
is sent up from the Vatican.
Here's a fun fact...

01:13:25.769 --> 01:13:27.070
Mieke's gotta be
around here somewhere.

01:13:28.472 --> 01:13:29.673
Let's go.

01:13:38.682 --> 01:13:41.217
Behind me is the
appartamento papale,

01:13:41.250 --> 01:13:42.819
or Papal Apartment.

01:13:42.852 --> 01:13:44.020
We're obviously
not permitted.

01:13:45.755 --> 01:13:47.423
Excuse me, miss.
What is this?

01:13:48.692 --> 01:13:50.594
That is the bell
of San Marco.

01:13:50.627 --> 01:13:52.996
When the Pope dies,
the Cardinal Vicar of Rome

01:13:53.029 --> 01:13:55.765
rings this bell to notify
the people of Rome.

01:13:55.799 --> 01:13:58.434
Next we will view
the Sistine Chapel.
Follow me, please.

01:14:02.271 --> 01:14:03.907
Come on.

01:14:03.940 --> 01:14:06.275
I think I heard them.
Which way did they go?

01:14:06.309 --> 01:14:08.512
That way. I'd stake
my reputation on it.

01:14:08.545 --> 01:14:10.013
Good enough for me.

01:14:10.046 --> 01:14:13.517
Hey, check it out!
I wonder what this does.

01:14:14.984 --> 01:14:17.153
It doesn't do anything,
it's a rope.
Come on, let's go.

01:14:18.087 --> 01:14:19.923
COOPER: They got a lot
of old stuff here.

01:14:19.956 --> 01:14:20.990
(BELL RINGING)

01:14:27.430 --> 01:14:28.665
Dio mio!

01:14:29.699 --> 01:14:31.467
The bell of San Marco!

01:14:33.570 --> 01:14:35.071
The Pope is dead!

01:14:36.239 --> 01:14:37.541
(MURMURING)

01:14:39.342 --> 01:14:40.510
Whoa.

01:14:43.379 --> 01:14:44.681
She's not in here.

01:14:45.849 --> 01:14:47.617
Let's go.
We're definitely not
supposed to be in here.

01:14:47.651 --> 01:14:48.885
Hey, check this out!

01:14:50.386 --> 01:14:51.588
I'm the Pope!

01:14:51.621 --> 01:14:53.222
Cooper...

01:14:53.256 --> 01:14:55.592
Take off the pope hat.

01:14:55.625 --> 01:14:57.393
Oh, no. It's okay.
I'm Catholic.

01:14:57.426 --> 01:14:58.728
Take it off, god damn it!

01:15:00.664 --> 01:15:02.699
Oh, you took the
Lord's name in vain!

01:15:02.732 --> 01:15:05.168
Only I can forgive
you now, my son.

01:15:05.201 --> 01:15:06.002
Take that fudging thing off!

01:15:06.936 --> 01:15:08.237
The Pope breaks
an open-field tackle.

01:15:09.105 --> 01:15:11.140
It's a Hail Mary,
he catches at the 40...

01:15:11.741 --> 01:15:14.177
The 30, the 20, the 10...

01:15:14.210 --> 01:15:15.879
Touchdown, Pope!

01:15:17.647 --> 01:15:19.415
The Pope makes
a two-point conversion.

01:15:19.448 --> 01:15:23.152
And oh, my Lord!
It's the Pope, eight,

01:15:23.186 --> 01:15:25.488
and the heathens, nothing!

01:15:25.521 --> 01:15:27.223
(LAUGHING)

01:15:27.256 --> 01:15:28.892
How's you, sucka?

01:15:29.693 --> 01:15:31.060
(IMITATING ROBOT)

01:15:31.795 --> 01:15:33.697
Cooper, the hat!
The hat!

01:15:33.730 --> 01:15:35.665
The hat is on fire!

01:15:35.699 --> 01:15:37.400
* We don't need no water
let the mother... *

01:15:37.433 --> 01:15:38.635
I'm not kidding! Look!

01:15:39.969 --> 01:15:41.004
Oh, holy shit!

01:15:42.606 --> 01:15:44.340
I don't want this!

01:15:44.373 --> 01:15:45.709
Fireplace! Fireplace!
Go, go!

01:15:48.177 --> 01:15:49.545
BOTH: Whoa!

01:15:57.353 --> 01:15:58.321
MAN: White smoke!

01:15:59.222 --> 01:16:01.758
They've elected the new pope!

01:16:04.994 --> 01:16:07.130
I'm coming to you live
from Vatican Square

01:16:07.163 --> 01:16:09.899
where the College
of Cardinals,
in a surprise move,

01:16:09.933 --> 01:16:14.270
has just elected a new pope.
The crowd is very excited.

01:16:14.303 --> 01:16:16.673
This is so strange.

01:16:16.706 --> 01:16:20.176
Usually they wait 15 days
to elect a new pope.

01:16:20.209 --> 01:16:22.578
We could be seeing
history in the making!

01:16:22.612 --> 01:16:24.213
We could be seeing an arrest
in the making.

01:16:25.514 --> 01:16:26.850
(COUGHING)

01:16:32.622 --> 01:16:33.757
There she is.

01:16:37.761 --> 01:16:39.128
Hey! Stupid curtain!

01:16:40.129 --> 01:16:41.164
Let me out!

01:16:45.501 --> 01:16:46.803
Mieke!

01:16:47.536 --> 01:16:49.072
It's the new pope!

01:16:50.373 --> 01:16:51.675
(CHEERING)

01:17:16.299 --> 01:17:17.701
What the hell?

01:17:23.639 --> 01:17:25.108
Mieke!

01:17:25.141 --> 01:17:26.342
(CROWD GASPS)

01:17:27.777 --> 01:17:29.112
SCOTT: Hold on!

01:17:35.351 --> 01:17:36.986
This is one crazy pope.

01:17:38.955 --> 01:17:40.023
(YELLING)

01:17:44.127 --> 01:17:45.161
(GASPING)

01:17:46.696 --> 01:17:48.197
MAN: You!

01:17:48.231 --> 01:17:50.099
Ferma! Stop! You!

01:17:52.936 --> 01:17:56.672
You... And your
retarded friend,

01:17:56.706 --> 01:17:58.341
you're in big, big trouble.

01:17:58.975 --> 01:18:00.243
MAN: Oi!

01:18:00.276 --> 01:18:01.945
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

01:18:03.412 --> 01:18:05.148
Take your mitts
off them boys!

01:18:05.749 --> 01:18:07.150
They're with me!

01:18:10.119 --> 01:18:12.789
I've just about had enough
of you fuckin' Ities!

01:18:14.123 --> 01:18:15.224
But I am Swiss!

01:18:16.525 --> 01:18:17.861
Them, too!

01:18:24.333 --> 01:18:25.701
Now, bud...

01:18:25.735 --> 01:18:28.404
You get in there, and you
say what you got to say.

01:18:30.473 --> 01:18:31.707
Mieke. I'm here.

01:18:32.275 --> 01:18:33.176
I made it.

01:18:36.645 --> 01:18:37.881
Who are you?

01:18:38.815 --> 01:18:40.116
(CROWD MOANS)

01:18:40.149 --> 01:18:42.351
(BERT LAUGHING)

01:18:42.385 --> 01:18:45.454
What a fucking loser!
I'm gonna videotape this.

01:18:47.323 --> 01:18:48.357
I'm Scott.

01:18:49.658 --> 01:18:50.794
From Ohio?

01:18:51.127 --> 01:18:52.195
Scott?

01:18:53.196 --> 01:18:54.330
Scott Thomas?

01:18:54.831 --> 01:18:57.200
Yes.
From Ohio?

01:18:58.601 --> 01:19:00.003
What are you doing in Rome?

01:19:00.036 --> 01:19:02.171
I came here to be with you.

01:19:02.205 --> 01:19:04.707
Listen, I just traveled
all the way across Europe.

01:19:04.740 --> 01:19:07.376
I got chased by naked men.

01:19:07.410 --> 01:19:10.213
I ate brownies with absolutely
no drugs in them.

01:19:11.280 --> 01:19:13.216
I watched a brother
and sister make out.

01:19:15.151 --> 01:19:17.954
I kicked a robot in the balls,
but I did it all so that...

01:19:19.088 --> 01:19:20.389
...so I could tell you
one thing.

01:19:23.692 --> 01:19:25.028
I love you, Mieke.

01:19:25.862 --> 01:19:27.096
CROWD: Aw...

01:19:28.297 --> 01:19:30.166
We're perfect for each other.
What do you think?

01:19:32.735 --> 01:19:33.870
I think...

01:19:48.717 --> 01:19:51.354
Oh, Mike...
Mieke!

01:19:56.325 --> 01:19:57.861
(MOANING, GASPING)

01:20:05.801 --> 01:20:07.270
WOMAN: Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned.

01:20:08.137 --> 01:20:10.173
I have cheated
on my husband.

01:20:10.206 --> 01:20:12.041
Do you think God
will ever forgive me?

01:20:12.641 --> 01:20:13.542
(MOANING) Oh, yes!

01:20:15.478 --> 01:20:16.880
(MIEKE MOANING)
Father?

01:20:18.414 --> 01:20:20.416
(BANGING)
(WOMAN SCREAMS)

01:20:27.656 --> 01:20:29.792
This sucks.

01:20:29.825 --> 01:20:33.196
I can't believe
I'm the only one who didn't
hook up while we were here.

01:20:33.229 --> 01:20:35.131
Europe is officially
the worst country on Earth.

01:20:36.165 --> 01:20:37.700
I know.

01:20:37.733 --> 01:20:40.369
I thought I'd at least
get to have some
crazy European sex.

01:20:44.573 --> 01:20:45.508
What?

01:20:52.148 --> 01:20:53.282
(GIGGLING)

01:20:54.750 --> 01:20:56.886
Scott, I have to go.
Okay.

01:20:57.753 --> 01:20:59.088
My boat is leaving.

01:21:00.957 --> 01:21:02.558
I still can't believe
you came all the way here,

01:21:03.259 --> 01:21:04.793
just for me.

01:21:04.827 --> 01:21:07.396
What can I say?
I'm very unpredictable.

01:21:08.898 --> 01:21:10.333
Keep writing to me,
Scott, okay?

01:21:10.766 --> 01:21:12.135
Yeah, I will.

01:21:31.420 --> 01:21:33.422
Yes! Yes! Yes!

01:21:33.456 --> 01:21:34.991
Whoo-hoo!

01:21:37.160 --> 01:21:39.495
Hey, guys, I'm so glad we got
to take this trip together.

01:21:40.463 --> 01:21:41.931
This was the best time
of my life.

01:21:46.402 --> 01:21:48.704
MAN: Excuse me.

01:21:48.737 --> 01:21:51.240
You're the young man
who gave me that tour of
the Vatican, aren't you?

01:21:54.243 --> 01:21:57.513
Listen, I'm very sorry...
I just wanted to thank you.

01:21:57.546 --> 01:22:00.649
You were
the most knowledgeable,
albeit idiosyncratic,

01:22:00.683 --> 01:22:02.118
tour guide I've ever had.

01:22:03.386 --> 01:22:04.720
Thanks.

01:22:04.753 --> 01:22:05.989
But I'm not actually
a tour guide.

01:22:07.623 --> 01:22:09.792
I've just read Frommer's
enough to have it memorized.

01:22:09.825 --> 01:22:12.728
Although I threw in
a few things
Frommer's didn't know about.

01:22:12.761 --> 01:22:13.929
How would you like to
add them?

01:22:14.563 --> 01:22:15.931
Excuse me?

01:22:15.965 --> 01:22:18.134
That's my guidebook.

01:22:24.007 --> 01:22:25.374
I'm Arthur Frommer.

01:22:27.843 --> 01:22:29.912
It's amazing!

01:22:29.945 --> 01:22:33.482
Frommer's is going to
pay me to see every museum
and cathedral in Europe.

01:22:34.984 --> 01:22:36.652
(LAUGHING)
That sounds so exciting...

01:22:37.453 --> 01:22:38.554
For you.

01:22:40.523 --> 01:22:41.857
I figured, since you're
going to be staying,

01:22:41.890 --> 01:22:43.192
you might need this.

01:22:45.561 --> 01:22:47.596
A disposable camera.
That's right.

01:22:47.630 --> 01:22:48.764
Thanks, Scotty.

01:22:48.797 --> 01:22:50.666
That's from both of us.

01:22:50.699 --> 01:22:53.036
(CELL PHONE PLAYS
SCOTTY DOESN'T KNOW)

01:22:58.774 --> 01:23:00.043
Hello, Mr. Walters.

01:23:01.244 --> 01:23:02.611
I see.

01:23:02.645 --> 01:23:05.281
Fired? Well, I...

01:23:05.314 --> 01:23:08.417
Well, if
that's what you want,
I understand. I just...

01:23:09.418 --> 01:23:10.419
Goodbye, sir.

01:23:12.055 --> 01:23:13.389
They had to catch you
eventually, right?

01:23:13.422 --> 01:23:15.691
No, they fired Humphrey.
Shut up!

01:23:15.724 --> 01:23:16.925
I got his office and a raise.

01:23:16.959 --> 01:23:18.761
No!
(LAUGHING)

01:23:18.794 --> 01:23:22.365
ANNOUNCER: Flight 341
from Rome to Cleveland...

01:23:22.398 --> 01:23:23.932
That's you guys.

01:23:23.966 --> 01:23:25.368
Have a good flight,
everybody.
Come here.

01:23:28.771 --> 01:23:29.772
Be good.

01:23:31.974 --> 01:23:33.209
Oh! Okay...

01:23:34.410 --> 01:23:36.612
Cooper, have a good flight.
(GRUNTING) Be good.

01:23:36.645 --> 01:23:37.680
Thanks.

01:24:11.314 --> 01:24:12.348
I'm on it.

01:24:19.355 --> 01:24:20.256
(GASPING)

01:24:21.457 --> 01:24:22.858
(BELL DINGS)

01:24:22.891 --> 01:24:24.093
COOPER: This still
counts as Europe, right?

01:24:33.902 --> 01:24:35.371
SCOTT: "Dear Mieke,

01:24:35.404 --> 01:24:38.307
"Greece sounds incredible.

01:24:38.341 --> 01:24:40.643
"I just moved into
my dorm room today,

01:24:40.676 --> 01:24:43.679
"but I can't wait to see you
over Christmas break.

01:24:43.712 --> 01:24:45.714
"This time I think I'll fly
to Berlin direct."

01:24:45.748 --> 01:24:47.216
(PHONE RINGING)

01:24:52.588 --> 01:24:55.524
Hello?
Hey buddy, how's college?

01:24:55.558 --> 01:24:58.261
I just got here. My roommate
hasn't even showed up yet.

01:24:58.294 --> 01:25:00.429
Do they room all you
pre-med geeks together?

01:25:00.463 --> 01:25:02.531
I'm not sure
I'm going pre-med.

01:25:02.565 --> 01:25:04.233
I'm thinking about
majoring in German.

01:25:04.267 --> 01:25:06.335
German?
I've got a better idea.

01:25:06.369 --> 01:25:08.671
Why don't you major in
not being such a woman?

01:25:08.704 --> 01:25:09.838
So, how's Jenny?

01:25:10.639 --> 01:25:13.108
Jenny...
Jenny who?

01:25:13.142 --> 01:25:14.877
I know a lot of ladies
named Jenny, they're all...

01:25:14.910 --> 01:25:16.179
Ow!

01:25:18.181 --> 01:25:19.682
Hey, Scotty,
what's up?

01:25:19.715 --> 01:25:21.384
Hi, Jenny!

01:25:21.417 --> 01:25:23.085
Have you heard from Jamie?
How's he doing with Frommer?

01:25:23.118 --> 01:25:24.320
Oh, no.

01:25:24.920 --> 01:25:26.422
(ROBOTIC NOISES)

01:25:28.924 --> 01:25:30.125
Hold on.

01:25:31.694 --> 01:25:32.895
Come here, robot!

01:25:32.928 --> 01:25:34.697
Cooper, not again!

01:25:34.730 --> 01:25:36.098
(KNOCKING)

01:25:36.131 --> 01:25:37.433
Hold on, this could be
my new roommate.

01:25:44.507 --> 01:25:46.675
COOPER: What's the freak
look like?

01:25:46.709 --> 01:25:49.578
Is he a dork or is he cool?
Better not be cooler than me.

01:25:50.279 --> 01:25:51.447
COOPER: Is he bigger than me?

01:25:52.515 --> 01:25:54.683
I just got your last email.
What are you doing here?

01:25:55.718 --> 01:25:56.685
Going to college.

01:25:58.221 --> 01:25:59.322
You're going to college here?

01:26:01.457 --> 01:26:02.758
What dorm?
This one.

01:26:03.492 --> 01:26:04.593
Room 214.

01:26:08.931 --> 01:26:10.233
How is this possible?

01:26:11.634 --> 01:26:13.336
I guess they thought
I was a guy.

01:26:14.837 --> 01:26:17.240
Now who would be dumb enough
to make a mistake like that?

01:26:26.515 --> 01:26:28.817
COOPER: Do I hear kissing?

01:26:28.851 --> 01:26:31.320
Are you making out with
your new roommate, Scotty?

01:26:31.887 --> 01:26:33.188
(GIGGLING)

01:26:34.957 --> 01:26:35.791
COOPER: Scotty?

01:26:36.325 --> 01:26:39.228
Scotty? Scotty!

01:26:39.262 --> 01:26:42.130
* Scotty doesn't know
that Fiona and me

01:26:42.164 --> 01:26:44.533
This happy ending
is bullshit.

01:26:44.567 --> 01:26:47.636
When does the fairy get laid?
I'm outta here.

01:26:47.670 --> 01:26:50.473
* Still she's on her knees
and Scotty doesn't know

01:26:51.274 --> 01:26:53.542
* Oh, Scotty doesn't know

01:26:55.010 --> 01:26:56.845
Catchy tune.
Fuckin'-A, man.

01:27:01.617 --> 01:27:04.653
* Fiona says
she's out shopping

01:27:06.822 --> 01:27:11.594
* But she's under me
and I'm not stopping

01:27:11.627 --> 01:27:14.062
(CHANTING) Scotty
doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!

01:27:14.096 --> 01:27:16.765
Scotty doesn't know!

01:27:16.799 --> 01:27:19.268
Hello, and welcome to

01:27:19.302 --> 01:27:22.405
Amsterdam's finest and most
luxurious youth hostel.

01:27:22.438 --> 01:27:23.772
Sounds great.

01:27:23.806 --> 01:27:26.275
There is no bathroom,
nor is there one nearby.

01:27:27.242 --> 01:27:30.446
* I can't believe
he's so trusting

01:27:31.947 --> 01:27:33.649
(GIGGLES) Sorry.

01:27:33.682 --> 01:27:35.984
* While I'm right
behind you thrusting

01:27:37.420 --> 01:27:39.588
Get it?
She got it.

01:27:39.622 --> 01:27:42.925
If you do not wish to have
your valuables stolen,

01:27:42.958 --> 01:27:46.662
I suggest destroying them
or discarding them right now.

01:27:46.695 --> 01:27:49.698
You can also try
hiding your valuables...

01:27:50.299 --> 01:27:51.467
In your anus.

01:27:52.134 --> 01:27:53.302
Drink?

01:27:58.974 --> 01:28:00.776
I'm gonna rip away his pants
and look at his dick, okay?

01:28:00.809 --> 01:28:03.612
(LAUGHING)
Ready? Quit. Shut up.

01:28:03.646 --> 01:28:04.813
Sorry. I know
I fucked it up.

01:28:06.415 --> 01:28:08.417
Yes! You take her hair...

01:28:08.451 --> 01:28:12.287
And one strand at a time,
pull it out!

01:28:12.321 --> 01:28:14.457
Use her
like a humping post!

01:28:15.358 --> 01:28:17.025
Jenny, this is Europe.

01:28:17.059 --> 01:28:19.027
They have orange juice ads
with lesbians and dildos.

01:28:21.364 --> 01:28:22.731
ANNOUNCER: Hapi djus.

01:28:24.567 --> 01:28:25.901
You got to show them
something they haven't seen.

01:28:28.303 --> 01:28:31.073
* Fiona's got him
on the phone

01:28:31.106 --> 01:28:33.776
* And she's trying
not to moan

01:28:33.809 --> 01:28:37.513
* It's a three-way call
and he knows nothing

01:28:37.546 --> 01:28:39.748
* Nothing
Scotty doesn't know

01:28:39.782 --> 01:28:42.618
* Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know

01:28:42.651 --> 01:28:46.288
Should a fire occur,
due to our faulty wiring,

01:28:46.321 --> 01:28:51.093
or the fireworks
factory upstairs,
you will be incinerated,

01:28:51.126 --> 01:28:54.363
along with the valuables
you have hidden
in your anus.

01:28:54.397 --> 01:28:57.199
* So don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't know

01:28:57.232 --> 01:28:58.701
* Really want to go

01:28:58.734 --> 01:29:01.136
* Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know

01:29:01.169 --> 01:29:03.639
* Scotty doesn't know

01:29:05.374 --> 01:29:08.844
* The parking lot
why not?

01:29:08.877 --> 01:29:11.346
* It's so cool
when you're on top

01:29:11.380 --> 01:29:13.449
(BUBBLING)
(GIGGLING)

01:29:14.617 --> 01:29:16.952
* Life is so hard
'cause Scotty doesn't know

01:29:16.985 --> 01:29:18.754
* Scotty doesn't know

01:29:18.787 --> 01:29:21.824
Fuck off!
Get out of it,
you wankers!

01:29:21.857 --> 01:29:25.494
Go on, you Gaelic fucking
garlic-breath tossers!

01:29:25.528 --> 01:29:27.730
Piss off! Get in here
and say that, mate!

01:29:27.763 --> 01:29:30.165
Come on! Fucking come
and have it!

01:29:30.198 --> 01:29:32.167
You fucking beep?

01:29:32.200 --> 01:29:35.037
We'll beep, you bastard,
all over your fucking nose!

01:29:35.070 --> 01:29:36.371
Fuck off!

01:29:36.405 --> 01:29:38.541
Go on, you French bastards!

01:29:38.574 --> 01:29:41.143
Get on the other side
of the road, you pricks!

01:29:41.176 --> 01:29:42.978
Go on out of it!

01:29:43.011 --> 01:29:44.246
Fuck off!

01:29:44.279 --> 01:29:45.448
I'm nackered.

01:29:46.181 --> 01:29:48.350
(LAUGHING)
League supporters.

01:29:48.383 --> 01:29:50.653
* Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know

01:29:51.520 --> 01:29:52.988
(LAUGHING)
No, wait...

01:29:58.994 --> 01:30:01.930
Hey! Check these out!
I'm 18 years old.

01:30:03.466 --> 01:30:06.334
* Gonna tell Scotty
gonna tell myself

01:30:06.368 --> 01:30:08.871
* Scotty has to know
Scotty has to know

01:30:08.904 --> 01:30:11.640
* Scotty has to
Scotty has to go

01:30:11.674 --> 01:30:14.443
* Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know

01:30:14.477 --> 01:30:17.379
* Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know

01:30:17.412 --> 01:30:19.948
* Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know

01:30:19.982 --> 01:30:23.486
* Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know *

01:30:23.519 --> 01:30:26.321
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!

01:30:26.354 --> 01:30:29.357
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!

01:30:29.391 --> 01:30:32.194
CROWD:
Scotty doesn't know!

01:30:33.095 --> 01:30:34.497
(YELLING)

01:30:35.898 --> 01:30:37.533
CREW MEMBER:
Scotty's gotta go!

01:30:37.566 --> 01:30:39.167
(GET LOOSE PLAYS)

01:31:38.994 --> 01:31:40.362
Is it off yet?

01:31:40.395 --> 01:31:41.630
No, keep rubbing it.