WEBVTT
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Till number one.
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Till number one.
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Till number one.
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Good morning, sir,
welcome to Waingel's Bank.
00:04:08.667 --> 00:04:10.376
My name is Sheila.
How can I help you?
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01632 960786?
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- You all right?
- Yeah, all right. You?
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- Yeah, yeah.
- Do you want me to get him?
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- Uh, yeah.
- Vince! Vince! Telephone!
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- Is that Gwen?
- No, your dad.
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- All right?
- Don't ask. You?
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Yeah, you?
00:06:09.834 --> 00:06:12.834
- What are you doing?
- Going round Dad's.
00:06:12.917 --> 00:06:14.084
What about supper?
00:06:14.167 --> 00:06:16.209
What supper?
You didn't tell me anything?
00:06:16.292 --> 00:06:18.459
Don't give me that! Of course you knew.
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What else do I do every evening?
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Just put it in the fridge.
I can have it tomorrow.
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Vince, you are pushing me to the edge,
do you know that?
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Eat your dinner,
then you can go to your dad's.
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- Leave it out, Mum.
- Well, what are you going to eat?
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Stacy's making a curry.
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Who's Stacy?
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His new bird.
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He didn't tell you?
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Oh! Freezing out there!
00:08:00.209 --> 00:08:01.876
I thought you'd be back at six.
00:08:02.501 --> 00:08:04.834
Long queue in the post office.
00:08:04.917 --> 00:08:07.876
You'd think it'd be empty
after Christmas.
00:08:07.959 --> 00:08:09.292
Starving here!
00:08:10.126 --> 00:08:13.709
Forgot already what you were
banging on about last night?
00:08:13.792 --> 00:08:15.167
Fridge dinners and all that?
00:08:15.251 --> 00:08:18.501
Or have you gone off
the idea of stale food...
00:08:19.584 --> 00:08:22.667
Oh, sorry.
00:08:22.751 --> 00:08:25.001
I didn't know you had company.
00:08:25.542 --> 00:08:27.209
How's it going, Gwen?
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- She's modelling.
- Pardon me, then.
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I'm cooking for three then, am I?
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- Gwen? Vince? Anyone?
- Yes, please.
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Have you offered her anything?
00:08:42.126 --> 00:08:43.626
We only just started.
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Gwen, would you like a drink?
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Let's have a look.
00:09:02.001 --> 00:09:05.876
Very good!
He's made you look really lovely, Gwen.
00:09:07.584 --> 00:09:09.251
I wish I had that talent.
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You've reached 01632 960786.
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I'm not in right now,
but if you leave a message,
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I'll get straight back to you.
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This is a message for Sheila.
It's Adonis. Box number 1592.
00:10:39.792 --> 00:10:42.542
I got your letter and your photo.
00:10:42.626 --> 00:10:44.167
I've got a few other dates this week,
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but give me a call
and I'll see if I can slot you in.
00:10:46.751 --> 00:10:51.126
My number is 01632 960322.
00:11:14.626 --> 00:11:16.626
A purchase on a horizon,
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a panoply of temptation.
00:11:19.001 --> 00:11:20.542
Can a curious soul desist?
00:11:20.959 --> 00:11:23.084
I'm just looking, thank you.
00:11:23.459 --> 00:11:26.376
The hesitation in your voice
soon to be an echo
00:11:26.459 --> 00:11:29.292
in the recesses
of the spheres of retail.
00:12:04.876 --> 00:12:08.792
Imagine, 60 percent vanished
from this sensational garment.
00:12:11.001 --> 00:12:14.209
In apprehensions
lie the crevices of clarity.
00:12:15.917 --> 00:12:17.834
Isn't it a little risqué?
00:12:17.917 --> 00:12:21.709
A provocation.
For what else must one wear?
00:12:21.792 --> 00:12:23.917
I'm just going on a date.
00:12:24.001 --> 00:12:31.001
A date? Well? And what kind of date?
Food and drinks?
00:12:31.084 --> 00:12:33.001
Food and drinks, yeah.
00:12:33.084 --> 00:12:35.626
An embellishment of occasion,
for instance,
00:12:35.709 --> 00:12:38.459
but also the emphasis
of comfort and pleasure.
00:12:39.042 --> 00:12:42.751
Thus you will destroy two birds
with a stone.
00:13:27.417 --> 00:13:30.459
Imagine, the dress is your image
00:13:30.542 --> 00:13:34.709
and from me onto what you project
through an illusion.
00:13:37.376 --> 00:13:42.626
One sensation of mind,
one fabric in recollection of touch.
00:13:44.126 --> 00:13:47.209
But this is how I see
your night romance.
00:13:47.917 --> 00:13:49.709
I predict the fantasy.
00:13:50.376 --> 00:13:53.834
Isn't it small? What size is this?
00:13:54.376 --> 00:13:55.501
Thirty-six.
00:13:56.334 --> 00:13:58.209
But I'm not a thirty-six.
00:13:59.709 --> 00:14:03.584
In a number is only
the equation of actuality.
00:14:04.167 --> 00:14:08.376
Dimensions and proportions transcend
the prisms of our measurements.
00:14:10.251 --> 00:14:12.376
You're not getting any more in?
00:14:16.292 --> 00:14:21.251
There's a lucky man somewhere
in the vista of this mysterious mirror.
00:14:22.376 --> 00:14:23.792
May I ask his name?
00:14:25.001 --> 00:14:27.042
His name's Adonis.
00:14:27.126 --> 00:14:30.792
Adonis? I see him.
00:14:30.876 --> 00:14:32.334
I like him.
00:14:36.792 --> 00:14:40.001
And it's not clinging too tightly here?
00:14:40.084 --> 00:14:43.917
Desist warning attention
to the askew perception of self.
00:14:44.876 --> 00:14:48.167
Lightest trivia
and the local vectors of frivolity
00:14:48.251 --> 00:14:51.209
are the topics
Adonis will be discussing tonight.
00:14:52.751 --> 00:14:55.334
I don't normally wear
this kind of thing.
00:14:55.834 --> 00:14:59.709
Darings eclipse
the dark circumference of caution.
00:15:00.876 --> 00:15:04.626
Be bold.
Your date will compliment you.
00:15:36.501 --> 00:15:37.501
Touch it.
00:15:39.584 --> 00:15:40.709
Feel it here.
00:15:58.626 --> 00:16:03.834
And may I interest you in other desired
supposes in our exclusive boutique?
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I'm fine for now, thank you.
00:16:06.626 --> 00:16:09.167
Then I would like you to announce
your locus of residence
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followed by the numbers
to your telephone.
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Sheila Woolchapel,
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16 Ferndale Road,
Thames Valley-on-Thames.
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01632 960786.
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Thank you.
00:17:24.417 --> 00:17:27.626
The pleasure is all mine,
Sheila Woolchapel.
00:17:27.709 --> 00:17:32.042
Adonis will be waiting
and he will compliment you.
00:17:36.792 --> 00:17:39.792
Till number one.
00:17:42.376 --> 00:17:44.751
Till number one.
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Sheila Woolchapel,
00:18:30.542 --> 00:18:35.167
16 Ferndale Road,
Thames Valley-on-Thames.
00:18:35.251 --> 00:18:36.459
Telephonic code:
00:18:36.542 --> 00:18:44.292
zero and one and six and three
and two and nine and six and zero
00:18:44.376 --> 00:18:48.501
and seven and eight and six and stop.
00:18:49.626 --> 00:18:52.709
Well, maybe I can actually,
you know...
00:18:55.084 --> 00:18:56.709
No, I'm not.
00:19:00.626 --> 00:19:04.167
I'm off. Your dinner's in the fridge.
00:19:07.584 --> 00:19:09.417
What have you done to your hair?
00:19:10.667 --> 00:19:11.667
Why?
00:19:12.501 --> 00:19:13.834
Looks like the council cut it.
00:19:14.834 --> 00:19:15.917
Thanks.
00:19:16.834 --> 00:19:18.667
You're not dating, are you?
00:19:19.667 --> 00:19:22.334
Why? Aren't I allowed to?
00:19:22.417 --> 00:19:23.584
Bit soon?
00:19:24.042 --> 00:19:26.376
I didn't know
there was a time limit.
00:19:27.209 --> 00:19:29.084
I thought you wanted
to get back with Dad.
00:19:29.167 --> 00:19:34.334
That was a while ago,
and obviously your dad had other ideas.
00:19:36.459 --> 00:19:42.001
Oh, and tell that femme fatale of yours
to get off the phone.
00:19:42.084 --> 00:19:44.167
It's gonna cost me a fortune.
00:19:48.042 --> 00:19:54.126
You've reached 01632 960786.
00:19:54.209 --> 00:19:58.584
I'm not in right now, but if you leave
a message I'll get straight back to you.
00:20:00.126 --> 00:20:02.209
It's Adonis again.
00:20:02.292 --> 00:20:05.834
Amesos Greek restaurant, 7:30.
00:20:05.917 --> 00:20:09.792
I'll be wearing a dark Donningtonio suit
and carrying a rose.
00:20:09.876 --> 00:20:14.292
I'm tall, slim, short back and sides.
00:20:14.376 --> 00:20:17.084
If you don't find me, I'll find you.
00:21:33.792 --> 00:21:34.792
Oh!
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- Box number 1592?
- Yeah.
00:21:37.709 --> 00:21:40.667
- Did I scare you?
- No, it's fine.
00:21:40.751 --> 00:21:43.709
I've got some love vouchers
that will give us ten percent off
00:21:43.792 --> 00:21:45.417
as long as we share the same pudding.
00:21:45.501 --> 00:21:49.709
Pudding? Sounds good. Join me.
00:22:08.126 --> 00:22:10.584
- As promised.
- Oh, thank you.
00:22:18.001 --> 00:22:20.167
- What?
- You look different.
00:22:20.709 --> 00:22:21.834
How?
00:22:22.751 --> 00:22:24.042
Well, your hair.
00:22:25.334 --> 00:22:26.792
Hair grows back.
00:22:45.292 --> 00:22:48.667
- Do you know what you're having?
- In a minute, OK?
00:22:49.584 --> 00:22:51.126
The moussaka looks good.
00:23:06.376 --> 00:23:08.459
So, you like dancing then?
00:23:09.792 --> 00:23:11.751
Not tonight, I sprained my ankle.
00:23:11.834 --> 00:23:15.959
God, I didn't mean tonight.
Just in general. You like dancing?
00:23:16.042 --> 00:23:17.042
Yeah.
00:23:24.084 --> 00:23:27.917
It says in your lonely hearts
advertisement that you like laughing.
00:23:29.084 --> 00:23:30.084
Yeah.
00:23:32.417 --> 00:23:33.584
What kind of things?
00:23:34.126 --> 00:23:35.876
Funny things.
00:23:35.959 --> 00:23:39.209
- What about cooking?
- What is this, an exam?
00:23:42.542 --> 00:23:44.417
Friendly evenings, guests.
00:23:44.501 --> 00:23:47.667
Welcome to Amesos.
My name is Vlassis and you are?
00:23:48.959 --> 00:23:50.584
Sheila Woolchapel.
00:23:51.959 --> 00:23:53.167
Adonis Jackson.
00:23:53.251 --> 00:23:55.584
And may I take
your lucky orders?
00:23:59.334 --> 00:24:00.334
Madam?
00:24:00.834 --> 00:24:04.626
Oh, there will be the tzatziki
for the starter
00:24:04.709 --> 00:24:08.042
and vegetable moussaka for the main.
00:24:08.126 --> 00:24:10.334
Instantly, madam. You, sir?
00:24:17.084 --> 00:24:20.084
Um...
I will come back for your lucky order.
00:25:02.792 --> 00:25:09.334
Vince? Vince? Get a move on.
I'm desperate. Vince?
00:25:13.501 --> 00:25:17.001
Sorry, I didn't know
you were staying over.
00:25:17.084 --> 00:25:18.584
Didn't Vince tell you?
00:25:19.751 --> 00:25:21.501
Well, maybe I didn't hear.
00:25:21.584 --> 00:25:23.042
I hope it's not a problem.
00:25:23.126 --> 00:25:24.876
Of course not, no.
00:25:26.042 --> 00:25:27.084
Nice night out?
00:25:27.167 --> 00:25:30.167
Yes, thank you. Caught up with a friend.
00:25:30.251 --> 00:25:33.376
Where's Vince?
He didn't answer when I called him.
00:25:33.876 --> 00:25:36.459
He must've knocked himself out.
00:25:36.542 --> 00:25:41.126
It's always the way with him. As soon as
he comes, he's out for the count.
00:25:41.209 --> 00:25:44.417
Must be the pressure
of those mock exams.
00:25:44.501 --> 00:25:46.001
It should get better by February.
00:25:47.542 --> 00:25:49.501
Did you get anything nice in the sales?
00:25:49.584 --> 00:25:51.001
Not much. You?
00:25:51.084 --> 00:25:53.626
I found a very tasteful
pair of Carpathian stockings
00:25:53.709 --> 00:25:57.417
from Dentley and Soper's.
Seventy percent off.
00:25:58.167 --> 00:26:00.501
Now that's what I call a bargain.
00:26:01.542 --> 00:26:03.292
I'm sorry
if I was too long in the shower.
00:26:04.042 --> 00:26:06.959
I won't keep you waiting
as I know you're desperate.
00:28:00.626 --> 00:28:03.251
- What are you doing?
- You tell me.
00:28:03.334 --> 00:28:05.751
- How did this end up in here?
- Eh?
00:28:06.334 --> 00:28:09.376
The next time your girlfriend
wants to try something on,
00:28:09.459 --> 00:28:11.251
how about asking me first?
00:28:11.334 --> 00:28:14.001
- You got a screw loose?
- Don't talk to me like that.
00:28:14.084 --> 00:28:16.584
Gwen wouldn't be seen dead
in something like that.
00:28:16.667 --> 00:28:19.376
- So how did it end up in there, then?
- How would I know?
00:28:19.459 --> 00:28:21.876
I don't like people
going through my things, Vince.
00:28:21.959 --> 00:28:25.917
- Touché! Neither do I.
- Don't you touché me.
00:28:26.001 --> 00:28:29.209
I've had enough of her
making a mini-bar from my wine
00:28:29.292 --> 00:28:32.126
and now helping herself to my wardrobe.
00:28:32.209 --> 00:28:35.542
She's turning my house into a boudoir
and I'm not having it.
00:28:35.626 --> 00:28:38.334
It's becoming a bit disgusting
if you must know.
00:28:38.417 --> 00:28:39.417
Leave it out, Mum.
00:28:39.501 --> 00:28:41.792
No, I'm not going to leave it out,
young Vincent.
00:28:41.876 --> 00:28:45.209
I'll say it again
because nothing gets through your head.
00:28:45.292 --> 00:28:49.042
To be frank,
I find Gwen a bit disgusting.
00:28:49.751 --> 00:28:52.792
And the sooner
you take that on board, the better.
00:29:17.917 --> 00:29:18.917
Hello.
00:29:53.042 --> 00:29:54.917
I hope you didn't move
without me.
00:29:55.001 --> 00:29:56.584
Don't get paranoid, Mum.
00:29:57.292 --> 00:29:59.709
Now where were we?
00:29:59.792 --> 00:30:01.376
Your turn, Don Juan.
00:30:18.542 --> 00:30:20.959
- Oh, my God, what's that?
- What?
00:30:21.792 --> 00:30:23.251
That looks nasty.
00:30:24.167 --> 00:30:25.709
Just some sort of rash.
00:30:25.792 --> 00:30:27.542
Ugh, I hope it isn't catchy.
00:30:27.626 --> 00:30:29.459
Yeah, what is that?
I saw it the other day.
00:30:29.542 --> 00:30:34.167
I don't know. An allergy of some sort.
Maybe the washing powder.
00:30:34.251 --> 00:30:36.917
- You should get it looked at, Mum.
- Don't scare me.
00:30:37.001 --> 00:30:40.917
I'm not scaring you. Just get a cream
and Bob's your uncle. For your sake.
00:30:41.001 --> 00:30:43.292
My financial advisor
had something similar.
00:30:43.376 --> 00:30:45.542
Some kind of blood infection.
00:30:45.626 --> 00:30:47.501
Ended up having to
amputate her right arm.
00:30:47.584 --> 00:30:50.376
- Don't give me that.
- Seriously!
00:30:50.459 --> 00:30:53.334
The doctor kept sending her
home saying it was some kind of allergy
00:30:53.417 --> 00:30:55.042
and she ended up really ill.
00:30:56.251 --> 00:30:58.459
But it's fine now.
00:30:58.542 --> 00:31:01.751
She eventually learnt to write
left-handed.
00:31:01.834 --> 00:31:04.126
Beautiful handwriting too.
00:31:04.959 --> 00:31:06.001
Your turn.
00:31:25.334 --> 00:31:26.834
Oh, dear.
00:31:30.834 --> 00:31:32.584
Tough decision.
00:32:10.667 --> 00:32:12.501
Do you have to talk French all the time?
00:32:13.084 --> 00:32:15.251
He has to practise for his A levels.
00:32:26.584 --> 00:32:27.792
Actually.
00:32:31.376 --> 00:32:34.084
Sorry.
00:32:40.292 --> 00:32:41.792
What was that?
00:32:42.334 --> 00:32:44.542
- Turn it off.
- I've turned it off!
00:32:44.626 --> 00:32:46.126
Pull the plug out!
00:32:50.251 --> 00:32:53.667
Sit on it or something! Oh!
00:32:59.959 --> 00:33:01.126
Mum!
00:33:15.459 --> 00:33:16.917
What's going on with this thing?
00:37:51.042 --> 00:37:53.751
Till number two.
00:37:58.251 --> 00:38:00.042
Thanks for coming in, Sheila.
00:38:00.126 --> 00:38:03.376
Look at that, still finding
pine needles everywhere.
00:38:03.459 --> 00:38:07.334
All over our sofa back home as well.
Must get a plastic tree next year.
00:38:07.417 --> 00:38:09.501
Yeah, we must. How's it going, Sheila?
00:38:09.584 --> 00:38:11.584
- Yeah, everything's fine.
- Ah.
00:38:12.001 --> 00:38:13.417
What happened to your hand?
00:38:13.501 --> 00:38:16.876
Nothing much.
Washing machine went bananas.
00:38:16.959 --> 00:38:19.667
Well, we know a very good repair company
if you need anyone.
00:38:19.751 --> 00:38:22.626
- What's that, Staverton's?
- Yeah. Staverton's Wash. In your area.
00:38:22.709 --> 00:38:24.810
They did wonders with our machine,
didn't they, Clive?
00:38:24.834 --> 00:38:26.917
Yeah, they did.
A really good mechanic.
00:38:27.001 --> 00:38:30.501
So how are things going? Do you feel
on top of things at the moment?
00:38:30.584 --> 00:38:32.376
Yeah, I think so.
00:38:32.459 --> 00:38:35.417
We didn't see you
at the Christmas bowling the other week.
00:38:35.501 --> 00:38:38.001
Oh, I think I had a lot on
with my son that night.
00:38:38.084 --> 00:38:40.126
Hmm. Interesting.
00:38:40.209 --> 00:38:43.626
Sheila, Pete Mathinson
spoke to us the other day.
00:38:43.709 --> 00:38:47.209
Now he's really impressed with how
you're all doing. Lots of good feedback.
00:38:47.292 --> 00:38:50.709
Yeah, he also noticed how attuned you
were to the Waingel's Wavelength.
00:38:50.792 --> 00:38:53.126
Yeah. One thing he flagged
with us though.
00:38:53.209 --> 00:38:55.251
He wasn't sure about your handshake.
00:38:57.126 --> 00:39:00.042
Pete thinks you're doing really well,
likes the way you smell as well,
00:39:00.126 --> 00:39:03.209
but to tell you the truth,
the handshake did come up
00:39:03.292 --> 00:39:07.501
and Pete commented on how
perhaps it wasn't meaningful enough.
00:39:08.042 --> 00:39:10.959
Sheila, Pete wanted you
to have this article here.
00:39:11.042 --> 00:39:14.334
Um... It's about the importance
of a meaningful handshake.
00:39:14.417 --> 00:39:16.292
Sure, I'll take a look.
00:39:16.376 --> 00:39:18.209
It's written
in a fun, easy language
00:39:18.292 --> 00:39:21.042
and there's a cartoon at the end
that summarises the key points.
00:39:21.126 --> 00:39:23.768
And Sheila, if you want, we'd be happy
to try out a role-play scenario
00:39:23.792 --> 00:39:26.667
- which involves handshaking.
- It doesn't have to be a bank scenario.
00:39:26.751 --> 00:39:28.631
We have a range of costumes
we could all try on.
00:39:28.667 --> 00:39:31.042
- It's OK, I'll practise at home.
- Hm.
00:39:31.417 --> 00:39:33.834
One other thing, Sheila.
00:39:33.917 --> 00:39:38.251
One of your colleagues noticed
that you tend to visit the ladies' room
00:39:38.334 --> 00:39:40.834
prior to clocking out for feeding time.
00:39:41.917 --> 00:39:43.501
Who told you this?
00:39:43.584 --> 00:39:45.792
It wouldn't be professional of us
to say her name.
00:39:45.876 --> 00:39:49.542
I normally clock out
and instantly leave the building.
00:39:49.626 --> 00:39:51.417
Well, if it's a one-off we understand,
00:39:51.501 --> 00:39:54.626
but we just wanted to flag it up
with you, in case Pete finds out.
00:39:54.709 --> 00:39:56.542
A minute or two
might not seem significant,
00:39:56.626 --> 00:39:58.459
but when we spoke to your colleague,
00:39:58.542 --> 00:40:01.542
she did some calculations
and rightly reminded us
00:40:01.626 --> 00:40:04.917
that if these unwarranted toilet visits
were to take place
00:40:05.001 --> 00:40:07.334
at an estimate of
two minutes per visit,
00:40:07.417 --> 00:40:11.084
you would accrue
over four hundred minutes every year.
00:40:11.167 --> 00:40:14.501
And to tell you the truth, two minutes
for a visit to the toilet is generous.
00:40:14.584 --> 00:40:16.834
Well, in my experience
it's two and a half.
00:40:16.917 --> 00:40:18.751
I timed myself
right before this meeting.
00:40:18.834 --> 00:40:22.501
It was a one-off,
I can assure you.
00:40:23.084 --> 00:40:26.126
Whoever it was who informed you
of my transgression
00:40:26.209 --> 00:40:31.001
obviously doesn't notice
that I'm regularly in ten minutes early.
00:40:31.084 --> 00:40:33.167
Maybe you could do the maths on that.
00:40:34.584 --> 00:40:37.417
- What do you think?
- Is fantastic.
00:40:37.501 --> 00:40:39.001
And the shawl?
00:40:39.084 --> 00:40:42.709
The shawlest vantage
praises January customer
00:40:42.792 --> 00:40:47.917
for she is in purchase
of our sacred domain. Cheers.
00:40:50.126 --> 00:40:52.042
It's a little tight
around the shoulders.
00:40:52.126 --> 00:40:54.959
I knew I'd need a size up
after Christmas.
00:40:55.042 --> 00:40:58.584
When your stature is emphasised,
it is my duty to provide you
00:40:58.667 --> 00:41:03.209
with a notion of proportion
that reflects your ideal of dimension.
00:41:03.292 --> 00:41:04.709
Wait here.
00:41:38.459 --> 00:41:41.501
Our perspectives
on the spectres of mortality
00:41:41.584 --> 00:41:45.709
must not be compromised
by an askew index of commerce.
00:41:50.959 --> 00:41:51.959
I'm sorry.
00:41:53.001 --> 00:41:55.584
The model, the affliction.
00:41:56.417 --> 00:41:57.542
What happened?
00:41:59.251 --> 00:42:01.042
A calamity.
00:42:01.126 --> 00:42:05.501
Imagine. Jill Woodmere. Yes, she.
00:42:05.584 --> 00:42:09.417
Our range in garments she defined
through a rapture of display.
00:42:10.542 --> 00:42:15.167
And here, the last dress she wore.
Oh, how she adored it.
00:42:15.251 --> 00:42:16.751
I'm sorry.
00:42:34.667 --> 00:42:36.334
The rhombic coat?
00:42:37.626 --> 00:42:40.751
The rhombic coat, yes. I'll try it on.
00:42:41.209 --> 00:42:43.709
Sorry, one last thing.
00:42:43.792 --> 00:42:46.459
How many of those
dresses were in stock?
00:42:46.542 --> 00:42:49.167
One. Only the one.
00:42:49.751 --> 00:42:52.501
And the model wore that same dress?
00:42:53.167 --> 00:42:58.917
Yes. But imagine, she extensively
showered before that photograph.
00:44:53.542 --> 00:44:54.917
Vince?
00:44:56.959 --> 00:44:58.209
Vince?
00:45:58.209 --> 00:46:02.292
Zach? Sheila, box number 6832.
00:46:05.042 --> 00:46:08.417
I have some love vouchers here
with some exciting discounts.
00:46:08.501 --> 00:46:11.292
That's if you don't mind
sharing a pudding with me.
00:46:57.376 --> 00:47:00.167
- You look familiar, you know?
- Oh, no, don't scare me.
00:47:00.251 --> 00:47:03.709
Seriously, I've seen you somewhere
before, I don't know where, but...
00:47:03.792 --> 00:47:05.001
Do you bank at Waingel's?
00:47:05.459 --> 00:47:07.876
Ah, I thought it was
something like that.
00:47:08.584 --> 00:47:11.917
I remember now.
You fined me for going over my limit!
00:47:12.001 --> 00:47:15.917
Oh, not me, I don't fine.
I just follow orders from above.
00:47:16.417 --> 00:47:17.959
I think I still have a letter from you
00:47:18.042 --> 00:47:20.584
asking me to make an appointment
with your managers.
00:47:20.667 --> 00:47:23.417
You were kind of stern, but I liked it.
00:48:11.042 --> 00:48:14.001
What happened? What happened?
00:48:14.084 --> 00:48:16.834
It's OK, it's OK.
00:48:16.917 --> 00:48:20.292
Come here, it's OK.
00:48:35.542 --> 00:48:38.376
It's hard to make friends in this town.
00:48:38.459 --> 00:48:39.792
I know.
00:48:42.459 --> 00:48:43.751
Is it just me?
00:48:44.667 --> 00:48:47.292
No, it's OK. Don't think about it.
00:48:49.292 --> 00:48:52.876
It's hard to make friends here,
it really is.
00:48:56.626 --> 00:48:59.376
You met many others through this?
00:49:00.501 --> 00:49:02.917
A few. You?
00:49:04.167 --> 00:49:06.084
One or two.
00:49:09.417 --> 00:49:11.876
I don't need to meet anyone anymore.
00:49:13.126 --> 00:49:14.126
Me neither.
00:51:08.126 --> 00:51:11.251
"You who wear me will know me."
00:51:12.251 --> 00:51:13.709
What's that supposed to mean?
00:51:13.792 --> 00:51:15.542
It's just a design feature.
00:51:15.626 --> 00:51:17.042
Cheap bit of mystery.
00:51:18.126 --> 00:51:21.042
You think anyone buying these things
gives a damn what it all means?
00:51:23.584 --> 00:51:25.334
Would you think I'm bonkers
00:51:25.417 --> 00:51:27.959
if I told you I think something's wrong
with that dress?
00:51:28.042 --> 00:51:29.084
Of course not.
00:51:29.167 --> 00:51:32.751
I haven't met a woman who didn't think
there was something wrong with a dress.
00:51:36.167 --> 00:51:38.626
A woman who modelled it died.
00:51:39.376 --> 00:51:43.292
And? Half the clothes I bought in the
charity shop are from people who died.
00:51:44.417 --> 00:51:47.042
Don't run yourself around
all this hocus pocus.
00:51:47.126 --> 00:51:48.709
Personally, I like you in it.
00:51:49.667 --> 00:51:51.167
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
00:51:51.667 --> 00:51:54.376
- You're not just saying that?
- You look good in it.
00:51:55.376 --> 00:51:57.584
OK, you look good in most things,
00:51:58.084 --> 00:52:01.417
but that dress definitely shows you off.
00:52:04.542 --> 00:52:05.876
Put it on.
00:52:10.917 --> 00:52:13.501
Don't tell me you're scared of a dress?
00:54:46.459 --> 00:54:48.292
You don't want to go
into town today?
00:54:48.376 --> 00:54:49.917
Oh, it's a nightmare on Saturdays.
00:54:50.001 --> 00:54:53.542
Why don't we stay here?
You know, acclimatise you to Vince.
00:54:53.959 --> 00:54:55.292
No one's rushing you there.
00:54:56.251 --> 00:54:59.501
I just think it'll be good for him
to see me back on my feet a little bit.
00:55:00.417 --> 00:55:02.251
He was a little short with me
on the phone.
00:55:02.334 --> 00:55:04.376
He's in a bad way.
00:55:04.459 --> 00:55:06.459
The separation really got to him.
00:55:06.542 --> 00:55:09.126
Not helped by my ex
trying to pit him against me.
00:55:09.209 --> 00:55:10.959
- Join the club.
- Darren!
00:55:13.542 --> 00:55:16.001
- No!
- Darren, get off!
00:55:16.084 --> 00:55:18.334
Get off! Get off, Darren!
00:55:19.751 --> 00:55:21.751
Darren, get off!
00:55:22.126 --> 00:55:26.501
- Get off! Get off!
- My leg!
00:55:26.584 --> 00:55:28.001
Get it off!
00:55:29.709 --> 00:55:32.667
Darren, you bastard! Darren!
00:55:32.751 --> 00:55:35.709
Mum!
00:55:37.709 --> 00:55:39.209
- Mum!
- Up here!
00:55:40.834 --> 00:55:42.584
Took me ages to get your stuff!
00:55:42.667 --> 00:55:45.959
They asked for my ID and everything
then they gave me some punk's rucksack.
00:55:46.042 --> 00:55:47.376
I've no idea why they...
00:55:48.251 --> 00:55:50.834
Vince, this is Zach.
00:55:51.542 --> 00:55:53.084
A friend from work.
00:55:54.001 --> 00:55:55.084
Pleased to meet you.
00:55:55.167 --> 00:55:58.417
All right. Where do you want me
to put these, then?
00:55:58.876 --> 00:56:01.459
No point, they're all ripped to pieces.
00:56:01.542 --> 00:56:04.542
Eh? This one's not ripped.
00:56:04.626 --> 00:56:08.292
- Of course it's ripped.
- It's brand spanking new, almost.
00:56:12.084 --> 00:56:13.834
It should be ripped.
00:56:13.917 --> 00:56:16.751
The dog ripped it to pieces.
It should be ripped!
00:56:16.834 --> 00:56:19.626
I tell you, it should be ripped!
00:57:14.459 --> 00:57:19.667
I have reached the dimension of remorse,
Sheila Woolchapel. The dress.
00:57:19.751 --> 00:57:23.376
I can't claim with its reacceptance
if its purchase is not evidenced.
00:57:23.459 --> 00:57:25.042
I had the receipt.
00:57:25.126 --> 00:57:26.792
I don't know where it's gone.
00:57:33.876 --> 00:57:36.459
Look, honestly, I don't need the refund.
00:57:36.542 --> 00:57:38.959
Just let me exchange it
for something else.
00:57:39.042 --> 00:57:41.959
A casual exchange seldom expresses
a lady's self-assurance
00:57:42.042 --> 00:57:47.959
- and her embodiment of fashion...
- You know what? Just take the dress.
00:57:48.042 --> 00:57:50.709
I don't need anything back,
just take it.
00:57:52.792 --> 00:57:56.459
Lamentations can be fairly addressed
to Miss Kolliston.
00:57:56.959 --> 00:58:03.126
Distinction avows her noble hearing.
Psst! Psst!
00:58:03.209 --> 00:58:04.417
Forget it.
00:58:15.417 --> 00:58:20.292
Like a whisper in an ocean,
like a feather in a storm,
00:58:20.876 --> 00:58:27.376
a dress of deduction finds its character
in a prism of retail abstraction.
00:58:28.459 --> 00:58:30.167
I don't understand.
00:58:31.376 --> 00:58:35.126
Miss Luckmoore
experienced a transaction of ecstasy,
00:58:35.959 --> 00:58:39.501
and I ask if you could
mutually sanctify her claim?
00:58:39.584 --> 00:58:45.001
Look, this is nothing personal,
but I'm done with the sales, thank you.
00:58:45.084 --> 00:58:50.209
But your dismissal of such a prestigious
consumerist festivity leaves me bereft.
00:58:51.209 --> 00:58:54.709
Did Miss Luckmoore
engage with the doctrine of the store
00:58:54.792 --> 00:59:00.459
and did the experience consolidate your
perception of the paradigm of retail?
00:59:01.042 --> 00:59:02.542
I've got to go back to work.
00:59:02.626 --> 00:59:06.001
Just a goodwill gesture
for the inaugural consumer.
00:59:06.084 --> 00:59:10.209
A fantastic offer,
I inferred to myself in jest.
00:59:11.084 --> 00:59:14.376
I just don't see
why I couldn't return this dress.
00:59:14.459 --> 00:59:19.792
The very purpose of this seasonal retail
occasion is to expunge.
00:59:20.167 --> 00:59:21.792
Returning what has already left
00:59:21.876 --> 00:59:25.834
the ladies' fashion boutique of Dentley
and Soper's Trusted Department Store
00:59:25.917 --> 00:59:29.292
goes against the nature of things.
00:59:39.709 --> 00:59:41.792
Such a pretty dress.
00:59:47.876 --> 00:59:50.084
I hope Adonis complimented you.
00:59:58.084 --> 00:59:59.209
Pitcroft!
01:00:06.584 --> 01:00:09.126
How's your leg, Sheila?
01:00:10.876 --> 01:00:12.042
Better, thank you.
01:00:12.709 --> 01:00:13.917
Clive knows the local vet
01:00:14.001 --> 01:00:17.042
and he can confirm that
he destroyed the dog on your behalf.
01:00:17.834 --> 01:00:19.292
He also wanted you to know
01:00:19.376 --> 01:00:22.584
that he took great pleasure
in denying the dog its last biscuit.
01:00:23.751 --> 01:00:25.792
It must be a pain
not being able to drive.
01:00:25.876 --> 01:00:28.459
The doctor reckons
I can start back tomorrow.
01:00:28.542 --> 01:00:32.792
Oh, good, good.
Um, Sheila, can we have a word?
01:00:34.917 --> 01:00:36.376
Of course.
01:00:43.709 --> 01:00:44.876
How was your weekend?
01:00:45.542 --> 01:00:46.959
Well, interesting.
01:00:47.042 --> 01:00:48.667
Anything nice in the sales?
01:00:48.751 --> 01:00:50.834
Just a dress,
but that was the other week.
01:00:51.834 --> 01:00:53.042
Good bargains.
01:00:53.459 --> 01:00:56.417
Sheila, I was pleased to see your name
down on the bowling list again.
01:00:56.501 --> 01:00:59.126
Even though I don't think you
should be in Ruth's team, but still,
01:00:59.209 --> 01:01:01.959
we have a nice balance of numbers
this month, so well done.
01:01:02.042 --> 01:01:03.459
Should be an interesting match.
01:01:03.542 --> 01:01:05.667
Yeah. Looking forward to it.
01:01:05.751 --> 01:01:09.709
Now, Sheila, we caught up
with Pete Mathinson this morning.
01:01:09.792 --> 01:01:11.334
Really meaningful meeting, um...
01:01:11.417 --> 01:01:13.751
just reviewing where we're going
with various things.
01:01:14.542 --> 01:01:18.001
He was very impressed
with how you're getting on, all good.
01:01:18.084 --> 01:01:20.584
Only he mentioned that
you waved at his mistress
01:01:20.667 --> 01:01:23.792
just by Landrake's tuck shop
last weekend.
01:01:23.876 --> 01:01:26.126
Yeah, I remember, she waved back.
01:01:26.209 --> 01:01:30.876
Hm. You see, she asked Pete
to call up a meeting about the incident
01:01:30.959 --> 01:01:32.959
and we all came to the conclusion
01:01:33.042 --> 01:01:37.667
that the waving can only be construed
as informal salutation.
01:01:39.376 --> 01:01:41.084
I don't understand.
01:01:41.167 --> 01:01:44.584
Technically, the mistress of a boss
is classified as a superior
01:01:44.667 --> 01:01:46.334
according to company policy,
01:01:46.417 --> 01:01:50.126
hence her surprise
at such a casual mode of greeting.
01:01:50.209 --> 01:01:52.876
Yeah, she urged us to term it
as insolent salutation
01:01:52.959 --> 01:01:55.251
but she gets ahead of herself sometimes.
01:01:55.334 --> 01:01:57.542
She smiled. She waved back!
01:01:57.626 --> 01:02:01.334
Sheila, when we worked
at the other branch in town
01:02:01.417 --> 01:02:05.542
we had a member of staff very similar
to you; diligent, hard working.
01:02:05.626 --> 01:02:09.917
Only, Clive and I noticed
a core of the inscrutable about her.
01:02:10.001 --> 01:02:12.167
Not remotely
on the Waingel's Wavelength.
01:02:12.251 --> 01:02:15.709
We didn't think anything of it until
we discovered she was in the habit
01:02:15.792 --> 01:02:19.542
of injecting foolhardy substances
into her bloodstream on a regular basis.
01:02:19.626 --> 01:02:22.209
Now we're not suggesting
you're inclined that way.
01:02:22.292 --> 01:02:26.751
But nonetheless,
a story shared and all that.
01:02:27.792 --> 01:02:30.459
And those mysterious toilet breaks
before feeding time.
01:02:30.542 --> 01:02:33.292
One mysterious toilet break.
01:02:34.834 --> 01:02:36.876
You would tell us
if there was something?
01:02:36.959 --> 01:02:39.751
Then we can keep Pete
and the Police Force out of this.
01:02:39.834 --> 01:02:44.001
Well, it's just been busy with my son
and the school holidays.
01:02:45.376 --> 01:02:47.834
What's wrong, Sheila? You can tell us.
01:02:47.917 --> 01:02:52.792
Nothing! Just a few bad sleeping dreams.
01:02:53.667 --> 01:02:55.126
Can you give us an example?
01:02:56.501 --> 01:03:01.251
Well, just this one the other night,
um...
01:03:02.584 --> 01:03:06.917
I was very close to my mother,
in real life, I mean.
01:03:07.917 --> 01:03:13.126
My father died when I was young
and she and I grew even closer.
01:03:13.709 --> 01:03:15.334
I loved her dearly.
01:03:16.584 --> 01:03:21.417
I didn't have enough space
to store all her things after she died,
01:03:21.501 --> 01:03:24.209
which always makes me sad.
01:03:24.917 --> 01:03:29.417
I gave everything to charity,
but wished I'd kept something.
01:03:30.584 --> 01:03:34.667
But in this sleep,
I found one of her old dresses.
01:03:35.209 --> 01:03:40.417
It smelt of her perfume,
which I hadn't come across in years.
01:03:40.501 --> 01:03:44.167
Brought me right back,
made everything feel all right again.
01:03:45.292 --> 01:03:50.042
I put the dress on
and I looked in the mirror,
01:03:50.126 --> 01:03:51.876
but it wasn't me at all.
01:03:52.334 --> 01:03:55.001
It was my mother from the grave
01:03:55.084 --> 01:03:58.626
with the same jet-black dyed hair.
01:04:00.126 --> 01:04:02.751
I remember when she bought this dye.
01:04:02.834 --> 01:04:07.126
She was so fed up of the old ones
dripping off in the rain,
01:04:07.209 --> 01:04:11.917
but this one was permanent.
More than her flesh.
01:04:17.001 --> 01:04:22.376
I caught a bus and everyone hid
under their seats when they saw me.
01:04:22.459 --> 01:04:23.876
Racists.
01:04:23.959 --> 01:04:26.876
I stank of my mother's corpse.
01:04:27.209 --> 01:04:30.126
The stench made the driver vomit
01:04:31.167 --> 01:04:35.376
and we went off a cliff and I woke up.
01:04:40.209 --> 01:04:41.917
And what colour was the bus?
01:04:42.459 --> 01:04:45.459
It was the colour
of Thames Valley-on-Thames.
01:04:46.917 --> 01:04:49.876
Yeah, it was that colour.
01:05:07.834 --> 01:05:10.376
I'm dropping some stuff off
at the charity shop
01:05:10.459 --> 01:05:12.876
if you've got anything
that needs taking.
01:05:14.834 --> 01:05:17.292
Is that a yes or a no?
01:05:17.376 --> 01:05:18.709
Maybe!
01:05:19.209 --> 01:05:21.501
Well, you go on Monday, then.
01:05:21.584 --> 01:05:26.459
And don't forget to bring the stuff
on the back seat. Yes?
01:05:27.126 --> 01:05:28.167
Yes!
01:05:28.251 --> 01:05:32.834
OK. I'll see you in the morning.
I've left you some food in the fridge.
01:05:32.917 --> 01:05:34.209
Where are you going?
01:05:35.042 --> 01:05:37.042
I'm gonna stay with someone.
01:05:37.584 --> 01:05:39.417
What? You mean slaphead?
01:05:39.501 --> 01:05:41.417
His name's Zach.
01:05:42.209 --> 01:05:44.167
I thought you said
he was a mate.
01:05:44.251 --> 01:05:46.876
Well, he's something more than that now.
01:05:57.167 --> 01:06:01.959
What I always do is,
because I love queueing for the sales,
01:06:02.042 --> 01:06:07.167
I find it really exciting,
and I have done it all night, actually.
01:06:07.251 --> 01:06:08.501
Yes, it's great fun.
01:06:08.584 --> 01:06:11.459
There's a great camaraderie, you know.
01:06:11.542 --> 01:06:14.251
And everybody's good.
They keep your place
01:06:14.334 --> 01:06:17.751
while you go and get an all-night
coffee or something like that.
01:06:17.834 --> 01:06:23.251
But the advice I always give,
when you go in, don't follow the crowd,
01:06:23.334 --> 01:06:27.042
because they all go up
the main central escalator.
01:06:27.751 --> 01:06:31.417
But I always dive
to the side of the store
01:06:31.501 --> 01:06:35.876
where I know there's another staircase
and run up there to the first floor
01:06:35.959 --> 01:06:40.751
because I know what I want
because I'd been the week before
01:06:40.834 --> 01:06:44.084
and I knew I wanted
this, you know, particular dress.
01:06:44.167 --> 01:06:45.959
And there it was...
01:08:21.542 --> 01:08:27.084
You've reached 01632 960786.
01:08:27.167 --> 01:08:31.251
I'm not in right now, but if you leave
a message I'll get straight back to you.
01:08:32.501 --> 01:08:34.667
Pick up the phone,
it's the Police Force.
01:08:34.751 --> 01:08:36.542
Pick up the phone this instant.
01:09:00.126 --> 01:09:02.542
If you need anything,
don't hesitate to ask.
01:09:02.626 --> 01:09:03.959
Oh, thank you.
01:09:09.751 --> 01:09:11.917
Oh, that does look nice on you.
01:09:12.001 --> 01:09:14.542
Really? I might freeze to death in this.
01:09:14.626 --> 01:09:17.834
Think about your summer cruise
along the Adriatic
01:09:17.917 --> 01:09:19.917
with the breeze running through
that dress
01:09:20.001 --> 01:09:23.626
as you sip your sparkling wine
with the captain on deck.
01:09:32.334 --> 01:09:34.876
I can't afford a cruise
this summer.
01:09:35.667 --> 01:09:37.751
Well, if you need any help,
just let me know.
01:09:37.834 --> 01:09:39.209
Thank you.
01:09:46.709 --> 01:09:48.751
All right, mate.
Just that, please.
01:10:08.584 --> 01:10:13.084
Welcome to Amesos, dear guest.
My name is Sandro. And you are?
01:10:13.376 --> 01:10:14.959
Uh... Reg Speaks.
01:10:15.042 --> 01:10:16.834
May I take your lucky order?
01:10:17.626 --> 01:10:19.834
Just a kebab will be fine. And chips.
01:10:19.917 --> 01:10:21.626
Kebab and chips, instantly.
01:10:21.709 --> 01:10:26.876
Uh... Sorry, no bags on the table.
Is not nice. And drinks?
01:10:27.292 --> 01:10:31.959
Reggie!
01:10:32.042 --> 01:10:37.251
Down it! Down it!
Down it! Down it! Down it!
01:10:37.334 --> 01:10:39.292
Oi, oi!
01:10:39.376 --> 01:10:40.542
I'm soaked!
01:10:40.626 --> 01:10:42.917
Never mind, Reg. Never mind.
01:10:43.001 --> 01:10:48.542
As your best man, I come equipped,
excuse me, for every eventuality.
01:10:48.626 --> 01:10:52.959
You need new clothing?
Look no further.
01:10:53.042 --> 01:10:55.042
I always knew you had a feminine side.
01:10:55.126 --> 01:10:58.001
What choice has he got with Babs around?
01:10:58.084 --> 01:11:01.501
Well, don't just look at it. I didn't
just buy it for the missus, you know!
01:11:01.584 --> 01:11:04.501
- I can't put it on in here.
- "I can't put it on in here."
01:11:04.584 --> 01:11:06.018
- Go on, get it on.
- It won't fit me.
01:11:06.042 --> 01:11:08.126
It'll fit you,
don't worry about that, go on.
01:11:08.209 --> 01:11:10.334
Yeah, come on,
you big girl's blouse, get it on!
01:11:10.417 --> 01:11:13.376
Come on, Reg! Don't let the side down!
01:12:16.459 --> 01:12:18.334
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:12:18.417 --> 01:12:21.334
- Wait, where's the dummy?
- Oi! Clipper!
01:12:27.251 --> 01:12:28.667
Speech! Speech
01:12:28.751 --> 01:12:33.542
Speech! Speech! Speech!
Speech! Speech! Speech!
01:12:33.626 --> 01:12:36.042
Oh, you bloody tosspot.
I'll do it, all right?
01:12:36.126 --> 01:12:39.626
Reg here has been hanging
around my house,
01:12:39.709 --> 01:12:44.751
or more specifically,
my daughter's bedroom, since he was 17.
01:12:44.834 --> 01:12:47.084
Now we all love Reg, don't we? Don't we?
01:12:47.959 --> 01:12:51.709
I mean, he always gets a round in,
good at five-a-side,
01:12:51.792 --> 01:12:55.792
and I gotta say,
he's always good around Babs.
01:12:57.001 --> 01:12:58.792
And that ain't no easy task.
01:12:58.876 --> 01:13:00.459
You can say that again.
01:13:00.542 --> 01:13:03.834
But seriously,
we've got a good 'un here.
01:13:04.751 --> 01:13:06.334
He's solid, our Reg.
01:13:07.876 --> 01:13:12.334
But if you ever, ever
mess with my Babs,
01:13:12.417 --> 01:13:15.626
I'll take you straight down,
make no mistake. You got that?
01:13:16.834 --> 01:13:18.501
Steady on, Bananas.
01:13:18.584 --> 01:13:22.209
No, no, it has to be said.
Best to get it out of the way now.
01:13:22.292 --> 01:13:25.167
Now come on, son. Give us a hug!
01:13:25.251 --> 01:13:30.709
- No, no, no, come on, that's enough!
- Reg Speaks! I salute you!
01:13:30.792 --> 01:13:33.376
- To Reg and Babs!
- To Reg and Babs!
01:13:33.459 --> 01:13:35.792
And here's to your first divorce!
01:13:35.876 --> 01:13:37.709
Oi, oi! Less of that, all right?
01:14:55.626 --> 01:14:59.042
But he doesn't have to roll
his eyes at every suggestion I make.
01:14:59.126 --> 01:15:02.251
It's always this "I know better"
attitude whenever I deal with Andre.
01:15:02.334 --> 01:15:05.959
At this rate, I'll get Reg to DJ,
assuming he recovers.
01:15:06.042 --> 01:15:08.334
It's a chamber of booze
and methane in here.
01:15:08.417 --> 01:15:10.584
I'm surprised
it hasn't killed the canary.
01:15:11.917 --> 01:15:13.251
No idea.
01:15:14.126 --> 01:15:17.292
He'll stuff it down him and it's always
the same. He never puts on any weight.
01:15:17.376 --> 01:15:20.251
No idea how the jammy bastard does it.
It's so unfair.
01:15:21.751 --> 01:15:25.084
Look, let me know if Andre is willing
to be more flexible with the music
01:15:25.167 --> 01:15:27.709
otherwise we don't pay. Simple as that.
01:15:28.459 --> 01:15:30.334
Exactly. See you later.
01:15:41.209 --> 01:15:44.542
Oi! Stop squeezing my spots, yeah?
01:15:44.626 --> 01:15:46.042
Knew that would wake you.
01:15:46.126 --> 01:15:47.834
Just ease it on, Babs.
01:15:47.917 --> 01:15:49.834
Good night, then?
01:15:50.251 --> 01:15:53.209
Wish I had a tape of you banging on
about how you weren't gonna drink.
01:15:53.292 --> 01:15:56.126
It's not the drink,
it's just a dirty kebab.
01:15:56.209 --> 01:15:59.251
Yeah, right. Don't know why
you hang out with that lot.
01:15:59.334 --> 01:16:01.042
You know what they'll get you into.
01:16:01.126 --> 01:16:04.376
We didn't do anything.
It's just a dirty kebab.
01:16:04.459 --> 01:16:06.792
Dirty kebab my arse, Reg Speaks.
01:16:06.876 --> 01:16:09.334
All you had to do
was not accept the drinks.
01:16:09.417 --> 01:16:11.542
I didn't want to let the side down.
01:16:12.542 --> 01:16:14.376
You gonna lay in bed like that all day?
01:16:16.417 --> 01:16:19.167
You know Andre
now wants to do a soundcheck?
01:16:23.334 --> 01:16:25.542
What's a... What's a soundcheck?
01:16:25.626 --> 01:16:27.209
He wants to check all the gear.
01:16:27.292 --> 01:16:30.584
He says it takes three hours. It's gonna
cut right through the wedding.
01:16:30.667 --> 01:16:32.876
It's just playing records, innit?
01:16:32.959 --> 01:16:34.667
Well, you speak to him, then.
01:16:34.751 --> 01:16:37.417
I can't deal with
that weasel-mouthed diva any more.
01:16:37.501 --> 01:16:38.917
Every time I question something,
01:16:39.001 --> 01:16:41.667
he just comes back at me
claiming he's a perfectionist.
01:16:41.751 --> 01:16:43.084
Not now, yeah?
01:16:45.001 --> 01:16:47.792
- What's that?
- Huh? What?
01:16:57.459 --> 01:17:00.501
Oi! Cottrell wants to take you on.
01:17:00.584 --> 01:17:02.209
About what?
01:17:02.292 --> 01:17:04.126
You didn't invite him to the stag.
01:17:04.209 --> 01:17:07.459
But, I-I didn't think
it was his thing.
01:17:08.417 --> 01:17:10.417
You try telling that to Cottrell.
01:17:36.334 --> 01:17:38.126
Gary said you wanted to see me.
01:18:02.126 --> 01:18:05.834
So how long's it gonna take
to get that spare whatever you call it?
01:18:05.917 --> 01:18:09.376
- Probably about ten days.
- Ten days?
01:18:10.376 --> 01:18:13.376
Well, could be sooner if I can get
one of my colleagues to drop it over.
01:18:13.459 --> 01:18:16.209
- Too busy to do it yourself?
- I'll be on my honeymoon then.
01:18:16.292 --> 01:18:19.459
Honeymoon? Oh. Congratulations.
01:18:19.542 --> 01:18:22.501
And what's the destination? Tenerife?
01:18:22.584 --> 01:18:25.584
Uh, Lost John's Cave. Up in Lancs.
01:18:26.376 --> 01:18:29.084
- The wife's got a thing about caves.
- Oh.
01:18:29.167 --> 01:18:32.501
- Already calling her the wife?
- She's called me worse.
01:18:32.584 --> 01:18:34.584
And what's the wife's name?
01:18:35.709 --> 01:18:39.834
Her name's Babs. She works
at Ambrook's Razors, dispatch manager.
01:18:39.917 --> 01:18:42.959
Ambrook's? Yeah, my sister used to
go out with a bloke from Ambrook's.
01:18:43.042 --> 01:18:44.292
Really nice fella, too.
01:18:44.376 --> 01:18:46.834
Oh, that, um...
that must be Phil Keeble.
01:18:46.917 --> 01:18:49.292
Why? No one else nice at Ambrook's?
01:18:51.042 --> 01:18:52.709
What's your fiancée like?
01:18:53.792 --> 01:18:55.292
She's all right, yeah.
01:18:55.751 --> 01:18:57.251
How long have you been together?
01:18:57.334 --> 01:18:59.792
Fourteen, fifteen years.
Something like that.
01:18:59.876 --> 01:19:01.626
Why get married now?
01:19:02.417 --> 01:19:06.167
I dunno. It's just always been Babs.
01:19:06.584 --> 01:19:08.334
You've never been out with anyone else?
01:19:08.417 --> 01:19:10.709
- No.
- Never tempted?
01:19:12.042 --> 01:19:13.501
Not really. It's just Babs.
01:19:13.584 --> 01:19:16.001
You're telling me
you never ever get tempted?
01:19:16.084 --> 01:19:19.626
You never even look at another woman
walking down the street?
01:19:21.792 --> 01:19:25.018
I can see there's also a problem with the
way the belt rides over the pump pulley.
01:19:25.042 --> 01:19:26.751
Small-talk time's up, then?
01:19:27.542 --> 01:19:29.751
I've got Mrs Beckley
up the road at five.
01:19:30.209 --> 01:19:31.584
Really?
01:19:33.334 --> 01:19:35.251
What's your name, young sir?
01:19:36.542 --> 01:19:38.459
Uh, Reg Speaks.
01:19:39.417 --> 01:19:41.042
Reg Speaks.
01:19:42.959 --> 01:19:46.042
My ex-husband used to say
he never looked at other women.
01:19:46.126 --> 01:19:50.084
He's probably selling the same lie
to his new wife as we speak.
01:19:50.626 --> 01:19:53.792
What I'd give to know what goes on
in the male mind.
01:19:55.001 --> 01:19:56.917
Any thoughts?
01:19:58.126 --> 01:20:01.292
It doesn't ride properly
over the transmission drive.
01:20:01.917 --> 01:20:03.542
All that tension on the belt
01:20:03.626 --> 01:20:06.334
is creating havoc with the washers
on the clutch shaft.
01:20:07.667 --> 01:20:09.917
The transmission mounting bolts
have come loose,
01:20:10.001 --> 01:20:12.209
which might have been
affecting the washer.
01:20:12.292 --> 01:20:15.917
The clutch assembly seems to have lost
connection with the low-speed solenoid,
01:20:16.001 --> 01:20:19.042
but I can check the motor wiring
at the transmission block.
01:20:19.876 --> 01:20:23.542
The agitator hub seems to be intact
along with the transmission shaft,
01:20:24.251 --> 01:20:27.251
but the plungers are no longer fitting
into the wigwags.
01:20:28.126 --> 01:20:30.167
If you let me have a look
at the wigwag terminals,
01:20:30.251 --> 01:20:32.584
I can be more specific
about the problem,
01:20:33.126 --> 01:20:34.126
but looking at it now,
01:20:34.209 --> 01:20:37.376
I can see the wigwag drive shaft
is no longer working...
01:20:42.751 --> 01:20:44.751
Why did you invite Chris Dale
to the wedding?
01:20:44.834 --> 01:20:46.001
Not now.
01:20:46.084 --> 01:20:48.584
In other words,
yet another pointless guest of yours.
01:20:48.667 --> 01:20:51.376
- He taught me judo.
- Yeah, when you were 17
01:20:51.459 --> 01:20:55.042
and even then you legged it when
Roj Lines wanted your dinner money!
01:20:55.126 --> 01:20:58.626
Half the people on that list never
bothered to invite us to their weddings.
01:20:58.709 --> 01:21:00.501
And you can definitely
drop Greg and Tina.
01:21:00.584 --> 01:21:03.417
- Why?
- Because they invited themselves!
01:21:03.501 --> 01:21:06.542
Other thing with them is
that opens the door to Dave and Sarah,
01:21:06.626 --> 01:21:09.959
Justin and Linda, Nick and Charlie,
and Adrian and Russ.
01:21:10.042 --> 01:21:11.084
Invite Greg and Tina
01:21:11.167 --> 01:21:13.959
and you automatically
have to invite those jokers as well.
01:21:14.042 --> 01:21:15.334
Nip it in the bud.
01:21:16.501 --> 01:21:18.167
- Are you listening?
- Yes!
01:22:12.292 --> 01:22:13.334
Look.
01:22:16.376 --> 01:22:17.417
What do you think?
01:22:18.959 --> 01:22:20.542
It's all right, yeah.
01:22:20.626 --> 01:22:22.834
Wash the stink out
and it could be all right on me.
01:22:23.626 --> 01:22:24.751
You like me in it?
01:22:24.834 --> 01:22:28.459
Yeah. Maybe try it with some tights.
01:22:28.917 --> 01:22:29.917
Why?
01:22:30.959 --> 01:22:33.917
I dunno. It's a bit nippy out there.
01:22:34.001 --> 01:22:36.751
I've told you a million times,
they make my legs itch.
01:22:36.834 --> 01:22:38.792
You don't need anything else with this.
01:22:38.876 --> 01:22:40.501
It's fine by itself, look.
01:22:41.292 --> 01:22:43.167
Where did Clipper get it from?
01:22:43.251 --> 01:22:45.251
Some shop or other, I dunno.
01:22:45.334 --> 01:22:47.126
It's a size 36.
01:22:48.626 --> 01:22:50.001
How come you fit into it?
01:22:50.084 --> 01:22:51.251
Yeah.
01:22:51.667 --> 01:22:53.334
- You listening?
- I like it, yeah!
01:22:53.417 --> 01:22:57.542
You don't get it, do you?
How comes you fit into a size 36?
01:23:09.209 --> 01:23:10.792
Reg!
01:23:13.584 --> 01:23:16.751
- Not the fleece!
- It stinks! Wear the other one.
01:23:21.542 --> 01:23:25.334
Like a whisper
in an ocean, like a feather in a storm,
01:23:25.417 --> 01:23:31.167
a dress of deduction finds its character
in a prism of retail abstraction.
01:23:31.251 --> 01:23:34.084
See? It's a 38 and it's tight.
01:23:34.167 --> 01:23:37.084
- Get a size up, then.
- So, you think it's tight?
01:23:38.126 --> 01:23:41.292
No, I thought that's what you just said.
01:23:47.584 --> 01:23:49.126
Bloody useless.
01:24:09.876 --> 01:24:15.917
Villainy! Now the horrid repercussions
will abate your rank, madam!
01:24:22.167 --> 01:24:23.251
You!
01:24:27.792 --> 01:24:30.959
Over 45 minutes they had me
on hold and then the line goes dead.
01:24:31.042 --> 01:24:32.626
That's my whole lunch break gone.
01:24:32.709 --> 01:24:34.602
You could've had your sandwiches
while you were on hold.
01:24:34.626 --> 01:24:37.167
How am I supposed to eat
if I'm all worked up like that?
01:24:37.251 --> 01:24:39.501
I should've never gone
for that store card.
01:24:39.584 --> 01:24:42.126
All that bloody hassle
just for a stupid free umbrella
01:24:42.209 --> 01:24:44.209
which you ended up losing.
01:24:44.292 --> 01:24:46.209
Even when I went in there
to try and cancel it,
01:24:46.292 --> 01:24:48.459
the woman kept me waiting
for 30 minutes.
01:24:48.542 --> 01:24:50.542
No apology, nothing.
01:24:51.251 --> 01:24:52.292
Reg?
01:24:54.417 --> 01:24:58.001
Reg? Reg, are you listening?
01:24:59.334 --> 01:25:00.667
Reg?
01:25:04.292 --> 01:25:06.709
Let me just try this on you.
01:25:06.792 --> 01:25:08.126
See if it fits.
01:25:11.542 --> 01:25:14.584
There, that'll keep you warm and cosy.
01:25:15.584 --> 01:25:19.876
He's very patient, isn't he? Not like
most of the boys we get in here.
01:25:20.501 --> 01:25:22.209
What's your name, young sir?
01:25:22.292 --> 01:25:25.917
Reginald! Get a move on
or we're going to miss the badminton.
01:25:28.792 --> 01:25:30.352
You need to ask Clipper
where he got it from.
01:25:30.376 --> 01:25:32.167
Knowing him,
it's some second-hand shop.
01:25:32.251 --> 01:25:33.751
What's that got to do with it?
01:25:33.834 --> 01:25:36.834
Think about it! We both got
the same rash, we both wore the dress.
01:25:36.917 --> 01:25:39.376
You never heard of scabies?
01:25:39.459 --> 01:25:42.501
Reg? Reg!
01:25:43.417 --> 01:25:44.709
What?
01:25:56.042 --> 01:25:59.417
- You think we'll need a new one?
- Hopefully not. Let's see, yeah?
01:25:59.501 --> 01:26:02.876
- What was wrong with it?
- Basket drive went bananas.
01:26:03.501 --> 01:26:04.501
The basket drive?
01:26:04.584 --> 01:26:08.209
Yeah, the basket drive.
Just went bananas.
01:26:08.292 --> 01:26:10.459
And the spin tube bearings
are knackered.
01:26:11.084 --> 01:26:13.417
I tried to check the clutch surface
for any damage
01:26:13.501 --> 01:26:16.876
and found that the rivets were
rubbing up against the clutch pulley.
01:26:16.959 --> 01:26:20.084
There's also the possibility
that the drain hose is kinked,
01:26:20.167 --> 01:26:23.959
but I can put that into writing for you
after a more thorough inspection.
01:26:25.042 --> 01:26:27.417
The clutch plate is no longer a plate
01:26:27.501 --> 01:26:31.042
and the switch striker
is neither switching nor striking.
01:26:31.126 --> 01:26:32.876
If I can get to the wigwag solenoid,
01:26:32.959 --> 01:26:35.792
there is a chance I can find out
why the washer didn't drain.
01:26:36.751 --> 01:26:40.751
The blocked pump isn't helping matters
and the agitator leaves me at a loss.
01:26:42.501 --> 01:26:46.542
I can also see that the wigwag terminals
are not where they're supposed to be,
01:26:46.626 --> 01:26:48.001
which leads me to the conclusion
01:26:48.084 --> 01:26:50.334
that this washing machine
is dysfunctional...
01:27:50.876 --> 01:27:55.167
- Oi! Cottrell's looking for you.
- What now?
01:27:55.251 --> 01:28:00.417
One of your neighbours reported you.
Just tell me you didn't do it.
01:28:00.501 --> 01:28:02.584
I had to, it was an emergency.
01:28:02.667 --> 01:28:04.584
You know the rules, Reg!
01:28:04.667 --> 01:28:08.126
You fix your own machine,
it still has to go through the books.
01:28:08.209 --> 01:28:12.542
- I bought my own spare parts.
- And? Who paid for your training?
01:28:13.792 --> 01:28:16.834
You've really let the side down,
do you know that?
01:28:16.917 --> 01:28:20.209
Now get in there
before Cottrell takes me on as well.
01:30:18.542 --> 01:30:20.917
I've had it with Andre.
01:30:21.001 --> 01:30:22.209
If he vetoes one more song,
01:30:22.292 --> 01:30:24.917
I'm gonna stick that turntable
up his miserable backside!
01:30:25.001 --> 01:30:27.042
Where'd you learn
to talk like that?
01:30:27.126 --> 01:30:30.084
Oh, it's easy for you to say. You're not
the one having to deal with him.
01:30:30.167 --> 01:30:34.376
Every time I say no to something,
he just says, "Why? Why? Why?"
01:30:34.459 --> 01:30:36.792
Maybe I can make
a compilation tape.
01:30:36.876 --> 01:30:39.042
- Save us a bit of money too.
- You're joking, right?
01:30:39.126 --> 01:30:41.501
Your record collection
wouldn't even get a flea jumping.
01:30:41.584 --> 01:30:44.084
Ease it on, Babs.
I'm only trying to help.
01:30:47.084 --> 01:30:48.709
What's this doing down here?
01:30:51.042 --> 01:30:52.792
Sorry, I didn't see that there.
01:30:57.751 --> 01:30:59.876
- What are you doing? They stay there.
- Why?
01:31:03.292 --> 01:31:05.768
Now come in the kitchen you two.
I've got a cheesecake for you both.
01:31:05.792 --> 01:31:07.292
Oh, lovely. Cheers, darling.
01:31:11.459 --> 01:31:12.584
You're not worried?
01:31:13.542 --> 01:31:15.876
- About what?
- That.
01:31:17.334 --> 01:31:19.709
It's probably just
the washing powder we use.
01:31:19.792 --> 01:31:22.042
- You don't think it's scabies?
- No.
01:31:22.126 --> 01:31:23.876
- An allergy?
- No.
01:31:25.251 --> 01:31:28.626
- Something venereal?
- You tell me.
01:31:28.709 --> 01:31:30.917
- I haven't slept around.
- Me neither.
01:31:32.334 --> 01:31:34.584
- Does that mean you love me, then?
- Yeah.
01:32:05.542 --> 01:32:07.417
She's asphyxiated.
01:32:07.501 --> 01:32:09.417
How can a dress asphyxiate it?
01:32:09.501 --> 01:32:12.876
Well, how else did she die?
She's barely a year old.
01:32:12.959 --> 01:32:16.126
- Could be carbon monoxide.
- We'd be dead then.
01:32:16.209 --> 01:32:20.167
- Not if it's a small leak.
- You're scaring me now.
01:32:20.251 --> 01:32:22.917
I'll come back
and take a look on my lunch break.
01:32:23.001 --> 01:32:25.792
No way can you get home
and back in an hour.
01:32:25.876 --> 01:32:28.209
Go off to work.
I'll look at it during lunch.
01:32:28.876 --> 01:32:31.417
- If the flame turns orange, call me.
- Yeah, yeah.
01:32:33.292 --> 01:32:34.459
What are you doing?
01:32:35.334 --> 01:32:37.042
Uh... You're going to be late.
01:32:38.167 --> 01:32:41.709
Go! Before Cottrell shoves a firework
up your backside.
01:32:45.084 --> 01:32:47.876
Reg, go! I've got to do my hair.
01:32:53.251 --> 01:32:54.709
Thanks for coming in, Reg.
01:32:54.792 --> 01:32:57.042
When our neighbour heard
you were coming in for a loan,
01:32:57.126 --> 01:32:59.917
- he wanted to pass on his greetings.
- Oh, who was that?
01:33:00.001 --> 01:33:02.126
Mr Watlington,
your physics teacher.
01:33:02.209 --> 01:33:03.209
Oh, right.
01:33:03.292 --> 01:33:06.292
He also wanted to pass on
his apologies for hitting you so often.
01:33:06.376 --> 01:33:07.376
It's OK.
01:33:07.459 --> 01:33:09.501
It was a bit of
a Reg Speaks evening, in fact.
01:33:09.584 --> 01:33:12.917
He kept telling us
about you at school,
01:33:13.001 --> 01:33:16.251
and to tell you the truth,
he was sad to hear about your finances
01:33:16.334 --> 01:33:18.251
when we showed him
your loan application.
01:33:18.667 --> 01:33:20.251
Now, with that in mind, of course,
01:33:20.334 --> 01:33:23.334
we'd love to consider
your thoughtful request.
01:33:23.417 --> 01:33:25.667
But given that Staverton's kicked you out,
01:33:25.751 --> 01:33:27.876
we're somewhat reluctant to sign it off.
01:33:27.959 --> 01:33:29.917
What about here?
I heard there was a job going.
01:33:30.001 --> 01:33:31.959
Sorry, that's taken, I'm afraid.
01:33:32.042 --> 01:33:35.018
Though I did see a sign at Dentley and
Soper's saying they were looking for someone
01:33:35.042 --> 01:33:37.792
in the male alliance
of clothing and costume.
01:33:37.876 --> 01:33:39.792
No, no, but looking in the sense
01:33:39.876 --> 01:33:41.834
- that one of the staff has disappeared.
- Oh.
01:33:41.917 --> 01:33:44.751
They're just trying to find him.
They're not advertising a job.
01:33:44.834 --> 01:33:47.376
Oh, silly me. It's my mistake.
01:34:09.459 --> 01:34:13.334
Now, the only loan we can offer
is the deferred employment package.
01:34:13.417 --> 01:34:14.501
DEP.
01:34:14.584 --> 01:34:16.584
It's what we like to call
a motivational loan.
01:34:16.667 --> 01:34:18.542
It helps our customers
get back on their feet
01:34:18.626 --> 01:34:20.917
and back into the job market.
01:34:21.001 --> 01:34:22.876
With that kind of interest rate?
01:34:22.959 --> 01:34:24.626
That's just advisory.
01:34:25.917 --> 01:34:32.084
Reg, Clive and I had someone over
from Staverton's a few years back
01:34:32.167 --> 01:34:33.834
and we still think a lot about
01:34:33.917 --> 01:34:37.126
how nicely he talked us through
the whole process of fixing our machine.
01:34:37.209 --> 01:34:40.834
And we thought seeing as we'll be having
Reg Speaks in the room,
01:34:40.917 --> 01:34:43.209
maybe he could do
something similar for us?
01:34:44.334 --> 01:34:46.209
It would mean a lot to us, Reg.
01:34:46.709 --> 01:34:48.417
But there's no machine here.
01:34:49.001 --> 01:34:50.792
You could pretend there's one.
01:34:50.876 --> 01:34:52.709
Nobody needs to know.
01:34:52.792 --> 01:34:54.209
But I can't just...
01:34:54.292 --> 01:34:58.251
Just try. Then we can look
at more favourable rates for you.
01:34:59.626 --> 01:35:00.667
It'll be fun.
01:35:04.626 --> 01:35:05.792
Um...
01:35:09.542 --> 01:35:12.584
Plungers on old machines
tend to stop retracting,
01:35:12.667 --> 01:35:15.126
which means a knock-on effect
with the washer.
01:35:17.792 --> 01:35:20.709
A-Also the belt drive had come off.
01:35:24.042 --> 01:35:30.334
The inlet valve might have been blocked,
but I can't verify that.
01:35:30.417 --> 01:35:32.167
It s-seems...
01:35:32.251 --> 01:35:35.626
It's OK. It's OK, Reg.
No one's forcing you.
01:35:37.792 --> 01:35:40.626
If it helps. we could kick it off
in a role-play scenario.
01:35:40.917 --> 01:35:43.834
Yeah. A lot of loan applicants
find our Tudor courtroom scenario
01:35:43.917 --> 01:35:45.209
puts them at ease.
01:35:45.292 --> 01:35:47.167
Clothes still needed washing then.
01:35:47.251 --> 01:35:48.584
That's right.
01:35:52.542 --> 01:35:53.876
What's the matter, Reg?
01:35:53.959 --> 01:35:56.834
You spoke so clearly and nicely
when you first came in.
01:35:56.917 --> 01:35:59.042
Oh, no, um, nothing.
01:35:59.126 --> 01:36:02.126
I-I'm just a bit tender
these days, that's all.
01:36:04.001 --> 01:36:05.126
How come?
01:36:06.501 --> 01:36:11.834
Just a sleeping dream I had last night.
It's been on my mind all day.
01:36:12.917 --> 01:36:14.292
Interesting.
01:36:14.376 --> 01:36:18.792
We're here for you Reg. Sometimes
it can help to discuss these things.
01:36:21.542 --> 01:36:26.876
Well, Babs, my fiancée, was in labour.
01:36:26.959 --> 01:36:29.917
I was late, so at that point,
the door was locked.
01:36:32.542 --> 01:36:35.417
I tried to take on her pain
just to make her feel better.
01:36:47.084 --> 01:36:49.376
I kept screaming
to show how much I cared,
01:36:49.459 --> 01:36:52.126
but it just seemed to annoy everyone.
01:36:53.792 --> 01:36:56.917
I kept knocking on the window
in the hope that they'd let me in.
01:37:05.459 --> 01:37:09.417
The baby came out of Babs in this dress
that looked exactly the same
01:37:09.501 --> 01:37:11.709
as the one I wore
on my stag night at ZinZan's.
01:37:12.876 --> 01:37:16.417
I wanted to wave at my little girl,
but she wasn't having it.
01:37:18.126 --> 01:37:20.959
She made it clear
that I should sling my hook.
01:37:27.751 --> 01:37:30.334
- What was her name?
- Babs Junior.
01:37:31.959 --> 01:37:32.959
Interesting.
01:37:33.042 --> 01:37:36.959
Reminds me of a dream Stash and I had
when we put the sand dunes in the wash.
01:37:37.042 --> 01:37:41.459
Oh, yeah, that. Kept bypassing
the spin cycle, I remember now.
01:37:42.084 --> 01:37:43.251
Was it an old machine?
01:37:43.334 --> 01:37:45.792
No, no, it was brand new.
Wasn't it, Stash?
01:37:45.876 --> 01:37:47.626
Yeah, very strange.
01:37:47.709 --> 01:37:50.834
Did you check the belt
if it was broken or loose?
01:37:50.917 --> 01:37:52.792
That could have been
the problem with it.
01:37:52.876 --> 01:37:56.917
That's what we were wondering,
but maybe it was something else.
01:37:57.001 --> 01:37:58.251
What do you think, Reg?
01:37:59.376 --> 01:38:02.667
It's probably a problem with the wigwag
and its rotational pull.
01:38:03.376 --> 01:38:06.501
Plungers on doors
sometimes don't align with the seal,
01:38:06.584 --> 01:38:08.751
but the lid switch is often to blame.
01:38:09.542 --> 01:38:12.501
The inner tub
might've sustained serious dents
01:38:12.584 --> 01:38:15.459
resulting in the belt drive
loosening or coming off,
01:38:16.042 --> 01:38:18.834
but that's usually a problem
with older machines.
01:38:19.667 --> 01:38:23.501
The lid switch and its actuator,
the motor coupler or door lock assembly
01:38:23.584 --> 01:38:27.542
are the first things to check when
a new machine bypasses the spin cycle.
01:38:28.834 --> 01:38:32.209
The agitator drive shaft and spin tube
linked to the transmission
01:38:32.292 --> 01:38:34.667
can come loose from the tub struts.
01:38:35.334 --> 01:38:37.542
If the helix doesn't release the brake
01:38:37.626 --> 01:38:40.501
and the belt tensioner
doesn't allow slippage...
01:40:03.167 --> 01:40:04.209
Imagine,
01:40:04.292 --> 01:40:08.376
trading will cease at a premature hour
on this, the twelfth day of sales.
01:40:08.917 --> 01:40:11.126
There lie other boutiques
to your discernment.
01:40:11.209 --> 01:40:12.417
But I'm in the store now.
01:40:12.501 --> 01:40:15.876
You can't just turf me out.
Customer rules and all that.
01:40:15.959 --> 01:40:18.584
You must conclude your perusal
immediately, then.
01:40:18.667 --> 01:40:21.792
Excuse me? I've worked in retail.
01:40:21.876 --> 01:40:23.751
Once the customer
steps through the door,
01:40:23.834 --> 01:40:27.251
you see it through to the last.
That's what I had to do.
01:40:27.334 --> 01:40:30.834
The doors you passed through
are doors in perpetual revolve
01:40:30.917 --> 01:40:33.167
and thus not a veritable indication
01:40:33.251 --> 01:40:35.792
of the time in which you thought
you might have set heel
01:40:35.876 --> 01:40:39.792
in Dentley and Soper's
Trusted Department Store, mate.
01:40:39.876 --> 01:40:41.334
You call those doors revolving?
01:40:41.417 --> 01:40:42.459
Hm-hmm.
01:40:42.542 --> 01:40:44.959
Listen, I'm here
to choose a dress, yeah?
01:40:45.042 --> 01:40:48.917
Pick something up, try it on,
pay for it, and then leave you in peace.
01:40:49.001 --> 01:40:52.209
By the time you've thought of another
excuse to get me out, I'll be done,
01:40:52.292 --> 01:40:53.417
mate!
01:40:55.167 --> 01:40:59.876
This dress. So shabby, so unkempt.
01:40:59.959 --> 01:41:04.626
We have rules here about presentation,
about hygiene, about conduct.
01:41:05.376 --> 01:41:07.376
A required pedigree of shopping
01:41:07.459 --> 01:41:10.917
is an aspiration
we flowerfully seal to our hearts.
01:41:11.001 --> 01:41:15.042
Please, return in a different dress
and we will welcome you back.
01:41:15.917 --> 01:41:18.959
If you let me buy a new dress, I will.
01:41:19.042 --> 01:41:20.167
Psst!
01:41:43.209 --> 01:41:48.376
I now announce you extension time.
Congratulations.
01:41:49.292 --> 01:41:51.209
I never thought I'd say this,
01:41:51.292 --> 01:41:53.501
but you lot could all do with
a good shag.
01:43:11.626 --> 01:43:15.501
Such an intimate document
of finesse and joy.
01:43:15.584 --> 01:43:18.459
Nice to see a catalogue
with ladies bigger than me for once.
01:43:19.209 --> 01:43:21.959
Pray tell, your measurements would be?
01:43:23.792 --> 01:43:26.417
- Guess.
- Thirty-six.
01:43:27.667 --> 01:43:30.167
- Really?
- Thirty-six.
01:43:31.334 --> 01:43:32.626
You're not just saying that?
01:43:32.959 --> 01:43:34.126
Thirty-six.
01:43:34.917 --> 01:43:39.626
Thirty-six. I had a sleeping dream
I was a size thirty-six.
01:43:40.751 --> 01:43:43.126
And I went out with my friends
to ZinZan's to celebrate,
01:43:43.209 --> 01:43:45.376
but it wasn't ZinZan's.
01:43:46.084 --> 01:43:47.417
It was here.
01:43:48.876 --> 01:43:50.376
That was where it was.
01:43:51.584 --> 01:43:55.167
It was in this room
and in this catalogue.
01:43:55.959 --> 01:43:59.376
Every image was of me in this slip
getting skinnier and skinnier,
01:43:59.459 --> 01:44:01.417
but the measurements written next to me
01:44:01.501 --> 01:44:03.042
were getting bigger and bigger.
01:44:03.542 --> 01:44:05.626
I rang the staff bell for assistance.
01:44:06.501 --> 01:44:08.959
Two ladies came to my aid and told me
01:44:09.042 --> 01:44:10.501
to put my head between my knees
01:44:10.584 --> 01:44:12.626
whilst they tried
to correct the catalogue.
01:44:14.334 --> 01:44:17.376
36, 38.
01:44:20.751 --> 01:44:22.251
36, 38.
01:44:23.667 --> 01:44:25.209
36, 38.
01:44:26.626 --> 01:44:28.542
36, 38.
01:44:42.876 --> 01:44:45.126
36, 38.
01:44:49.084 --> 01:44:51.126
36, 38.
01:45:26.917 --> 01:45:28.417
And then they buried me.
01:45:29.292 --> 01:45:31.917
Here in this Trusted Department Store.
01:45:33.626 --> 01:45:35.042
And then they buried me.
01:45:39.626 --> 01:45:41.626
Your changing room is waiting for you
01:45:41.709 --> 01:45:46.292
and your dress to coalesce
into a simple union of wonder.
01:46:31.292 --> 01:46:34.001
Attention, consumers.
Attention, consumers.
01:46:34.084 --> 01:46:36.042
Your shopping will conclude now.
01:46:36.126 --> 01:46:39.251
Pay us for your items
and return to your houses.
01:47:02.001 --> 01:47:03.709
Thank you very much. Goodbye.
01:47:03.792 --> 01:47:08.126
- Goodbye to you too, dear Audrey.
- Fantastic.
01:47:15.084 --> 01:47:18.459
There will be this asphodel blouse
and a pair of those funeral stockings.
01:47:18.876 --> 01:47:20.167
Instantly!
01:47:21.126 --> 01:47:24.292
Excuse me, I was here first.
01:47:24.376 --> 01:47:26.042
No, you weren't.
01:47:26.126 --> 01:47:29.417
Going through that tray doesn't give you
the right to bypass the queue.
01:47:29.501 --> 01:47:31.376
You came here after me.
01:47:31.459 --> 01:47:34.042
No, I didn't. Now if you don't mind...
01:47:34.126 --> 01:47:36.584
Such fascination of marvel.
01:47:36.667 --> 01:47:40.334
Its touch to the skin,
its contour on the body.
01:47:40.417 --> 01:47:43.126
I will be served first.
There'll be this cinnamon bra.
01:47:43.209 --> 01:47:45.126
Thank you very much.
01:47:49.667 --> 01:47:51.001
Ladies!
01:47:52.334 --> 01:47:53.709
Hey!
01:49:53.292 --> 01:49:56.501
Blame! Blame!
01:50:04.501 --> 01:50:08.876
Blame! Blame!
01:50:17.292 --> 01:50:18.876
A dramatic affliction
01:50:18.959 --> 01:50:21.751
has compromised
our Trusted Department Store.
01:50:21.834 --> 01:50:23.709
Get out graciously.
01:50:26.709 --> 01:50:31.292
A dramatic affliction has compromised
our Trusted Department Store.
01:50:31.376 --> 01:50:34.876
Get out graciously.
01:50:37.959 --> 01:50:40.042
A dramatic affliction has compromised
01:50:40.126 --> 01:50:42.459
our Trusted Department Store.
01:50:42.542 --> 01:50:43.792
Get out graciously.
01:50:49.126 --> 01:50:53.584
A dramatic affliction has compromised
our Trusted Department Store.
01:50:53.667 --> 01:50:55.667
Get out graciously.
01:50:59.917 --> 01:51:02.084
A dramatic affliction
has compromised
01:51:02.167 --> 01:51:04.126
our Trusted Department Store.
01:51:04.209 --> 01:51:06.334
Get out graciously.
01:51:11.126 --> 01:51:13.459
A dramatic affliction
has compromised
01:51:13.542 --> 01:51:17.709
our Trusted Department Store.
Get out graciously.
01:51:21.876 --> 01:51:24.292
A dramatic affliction
has compromised
01:51:24.376 --> 01:51:28.417
our Trusted Department Store.
Get out graciously.